Slowly, Then All At Once
by jennifersilva1013
Summary: This is a multi-chapter fic of Robert and Cora's early years. I hope to continue it through the Boar War at least. Ambitiously I might bring it up to the start of the series. But who knows. The story mainly revolves around Cora and Robert, but others show up too. The quote is from The Fault in Our Stars. Please Review!
1. Saying Goodbye to Childhood Things

Chapter 1- Saying Goodbye to Childhood Things

July 1888

It was while out on the estate, examining a dilapidated group of cottages, that Richard, the Earl of Grantham, told his son Robert that they would lose all of Downton. Robert felt the blow swiftly, never dreaming of being anything else but the next Earl. He barely made sense of his father's explanation. He prattled on about American wheat prices and the decline in agriculture but the how of it did not matter to Robert. What mattered was when. When would they be forced into disgrace and out of their home? His anger was a mean fire in his belly, eager to lash out at the man he held responsible, the man who drilled into him the importance of maintaining their stewardship over the estate. While his parents schooled him on his _duty_ and the seriousness of his _responsibility_ the current earl had been bungling the whole thing.

He looked at his father and where he once saw a great and powerful man he saw only an old and defeated one. His anger dissipated, replaced by determination. Robert would find a solution. They would have to pull him from Downton by force. He suddenly felt older than his twenty-two years when he laid a hand on his father's shoulder and told him he would find a way. Turning behind him he saw the vast expanse of green grass and the stone Abbey sitting at the top of the hill, off in the distance but proudly towering over everything below her.

The older man studied his son. He and Violet had spent many late nights discussing what could be done. There was only one solution that they could see and of course, it involved Robert. They hated putting the weight of Downton on his shoulders so soon, but unless they wanted to lose everything, it couldn't be helped. Richard had pushed off this conversation with Robert, fearing the boy would rebel or protest, but he had underestimated him. Looking at the resolve in his son's eyes, he was struck by the almost immediate understanding that they could not give up without a fight. It made his next instruction much easier to deliver.

"You will need to marry soon, Robert. And well."

* * *

Robert traced lazy circles on the naked back of Lady Pembroke. Her head lay upon the pillow beneath her and she stared at him with sleepy eyes. Extra marital affairs were as common as tea in their set, once an heir was produced. And while Julia had done that for Lord Pembroke, Robert was yet to be married, and that complicated things. Affairs were the consolation prizes for the unhappily wed not the blissful bachelor. Though it would be a scandal for him if they were found out, Robert couldn't quit her. They had met the previous year at the Hadley hunt. Julia was handsome in a sturdy sort of way.

What she lacked in classical beauty, she made up for in boldness and she had flirted with Robert with the calculation of a cat. He capitulated to her attentions and found himself in her bed.

She had become his master and teacher, showing him the joys of the body, and he wound up at her door many a night while in London. His time with her was both essential and a source of guilt. He knew Lord Pembroke had diversions of his own, but it did little to quell the burden he felt at bedding another man's wife.

More than just seeking the pleasure of her intimacy, Robert also sought her counsel. Her mind worked more shrewdly than his, and if he were honest, more viciously at times. She offered a hard and precise summation of most situations. He told her about Downton and saw the sly wheels of her scheming mind churn in the dark of her eyes.

"Marry an American." She tossed the words out with nonchalance, as though the solution was plain as day and Robert got over his initial shock at the thought and laid back pulling her on top of him, mulling over the possibilities.

* * *

Her birthday and the end of the New York season fell on the same day and it was truly a time of celebration. After countless parties and forced pleasantries she would go back to Newport and William. Her mother had forbidden her from seeing him, but there were ways around it. Cora thought her mother a horrible hypocrite. William had been a perfectly acceptable childhood companion all these years until all of that togetherness produced what it naturally would. Now that she had settled her heart on him, he was not good enough for Mrs Levinson's only daughter. Even though their mothers had been best friends for thirty years, this did not matter when faced with Martha's ambition.

Cora had gone through the motions of the season like a dutiful daughter and the attention and invitations that she received showed she played her part well. But she was going back home without telling her mother of the proposal she received from Dudley Morgan, which she of course declined. Staring out of the train as it barreled through the countryside, Cora determined that she was ready to elope with William if need be. And the decision freed her from the binds she'd felt since turning eighteen.

Isadore Levinson's solemn face at the train station quickened her pulse. He gathered them and their things in a hurry and ushered them into their carriage. He remained silent for a beat, perspiration building on his brow.

"Harold?" Her mother asked in a shaking voice. Her father shook his head and looked at Cora for a moment before flicking his pained eyes to his wife.

"William."

Somehow, Cora knew what he would say before the name even formed on his lips. She bit her fingernail for distraction and kept her eyes toward the landscape, ignoring her mother's nervous patting of her hand. She told herself everything will be fine. How could it not be? They were young and in love and whatever waited for her, that would see them through. It had to.

They left her alone with him, her reputation under no assault from the broken boy in the bed. The fall from the horse snapped his neck, but he was still breathing, just barely. Cora held his hand tenderly and kissed the soft skin of his wrist. She memorized his face, the gentle beauty of it, imagining the hazel of his eyes as they would look at her, like she was the only thing to see. They had known one another their entire lives, had spent summers drinking lemonade and playing hide and seek along rocky shores. There weren't many childhood memories of Cora's that did not include William. Their fathers were partners, their mothers like sisters. William had helped her catch her first fish and placed her first kiss on her lips. He was always the boy in her dreams and she had never thought of a life without him.

Cora remembered the last time they spoke, months ago before she left for New York, and his earnest pledge of love. He was so afraid she would fall under the influence of her mother while away from him, and decide that a Vanderbilt or an Astor would be better than a Hastings. She kissed his bruised cheek and the promise she made to him that day was said aloud again.

"I will always be yours."

William was lowered into the ground on a wet and cold day and Cora stood at his grave, looking straight ahead and clenching her jaw. She saved her sobbing for the secrecy of her bedroom. She refused the shoulder her mother offered her and in her darker moments told the woman it was her fault, that she wished this on them. Her heart was a constant pain in her chest and she rubbed at the spot often, trying to alleviate the discomfort. Her maid, always a kindly old confidant, held her when the shaking became too bad and listened to her lament the end of her life.

However, months went by and the loss of William was no longer an acute pain but more of an ache, something Cora could maneuver around in a modified manner. Her mother made arrangements to take her to England for the next season and because there was no one to fight for anymore, she offered no resistance. The love she had for William would never be felt again, she was sure of it, and so it didn't matter to her who the next man was. Remaining a spinster was not an option her parents would ever accept so she resigned herself to Martha's plans. The idea of being as far away from the woman as possible actually began to take on a certain allure.


	2. So Here You Are

Chapter 2- So Here You Are

April 1889

The season opened and the situation at Downton had reached a critical point. Robert saw the strain age his father and embitter his mother. They knew of his plan and while they made the show of discouraging him, it was half-hearted at best, neither wanting to admit that they were sacrificing his future for the future of Downton. The idea of an American bride was almost as disdainful to him as it was to his mother but he knew what needed to be done. After almost a year of thinking about their fortunes, he knew the true state of their decline. The precipice the Crawleys found themselves on was steep and only a ridiculously healthy cash flow would bail them out. He vaguely wondered what it would be like, to court a young woman solely for the length of her purse strings. He supposed he would find out soon but the whole business, while essential, made him feel dirty.

Robert saw her for the first time at the Manchester ball. He literally stopped in the middle of a conversation when he spotted her across the room, speaking with the hostess. He asked Sir Edward who she was.

"American heiress. I believe her name is Cora Levinson. She's staying with the Manchesters. Her mother is an old friend of the Duchess's. Obscenely wealthy, I'm told."

Robert took the information in silence. Looking around the room, he saw the same people that usually came out for the season, with a few exceptions. Even the new debutantes were stale compared to the American who held his attention. He stupidly said her name to himself, rolling it around, thinking it wonderful in an unexpected sort of way. He'd never known a Cora….mostly Maud's and Catherine's and it's uniqueness and flowing tone made him smile. He could imagine whispering that name in someone's ear.

* * *

Cora stepped out into the cool night air and breathed a few deep breaths, counting to ten like her maid taught her. Sometimes the panic hit her out of nowhere and she felt her corset tighten around her, suffocating. She braced her arms against the stone wall overlooking the dark grounds and bit her lip, containing her unhappiness. The smiling and eye fluttering and the coy smirks were expected of her, a part she played in the whole farce. She was ashamed of herself, wondering what William would think if he saw her made up in the best French finery money could buy, tarting herself to the English aristocracy. Sometimes the charade and all that had happened to get her there overwhelmed her and she felt pulled down into the quagmire of her thoughts.

He found her staring ahead into the darkness as though looking for answers. The wide smile she wore all evening gone and replaced by the natural pout of her lips. Clearing his throat he hoped to get her attention without startling her, but of course the noise interrupted the silence she had found and she jumped. Robert held his breath, unprepared for the delicateness of her features, the flawlessness of her skin, the color of her eyes. He watched the melancholy he saw on her face turn to confusion at his presence and he fumbled for an excuse for following her outside.

"The grounds are magnificent, aren't they?" Robert cringed inwardly. He was making a mess of things already. Luckily, her breeding prevented her from being rude and she agreed. She nodded to the large fountain below them.

"I've admired that since arriving here. Zeus and Hera, I believe it's meant to be."

Robert relaxed at her indulgence. "A Greek mythology scholar, are you?"

Cora averted her eyes and she seemed far away. "That might be pushing it. But I've been known to read a book or two."

Robert remembered he had yet to introduce himself and so he did, trying to overcome the awkward silence that followed her words. He was surprised to feel his palms sweating, waiting for her response. She was just a girl, he reminded himself. She, in turn, supplied her name and they made small conversation, easier now as they both relaxed, about her time in England. The sounds of a waltz could soon be heard. Robert extended his hand and asked her if she would like to dance and when she said yes he tempered his response, not wanting to appear too eager.

* * *

June 1889

"The Duke of Suffolk is coming tomorrow for tea." Cora stated flatly.

Robert received this information with little outward reaction. He knew the duke had been sniffing around her, as had others, but none so persistent as Suffolk. They walked through Hyde Park in silence. He was often unsure what to say to her. He thought Americans were to be more chatty and loud but Cora usually held back and he wondered if she was trying to fit in. The glimpses he caught of the real her , he liked to think of them, were delicious crumbs she sprinkled to him periodically.

"Does that please you?" Robert asked.

She shrugged her expression oddly unreadable. Her usually expressive face made up for what she refused to speak, most of the time. "Does it matter? My mother loves the idea of a duke for a son-in-law. And I've long given up the thought that someone will fall in love with me and not my money. Some days, I wish my father had been a blacksmith."

The women in Robert's life, mother, sister, and lover were shrewd and sure and controlled the world around them. Cora was an enigma. She was contemplative, eager to please, a little sad around the edges. There was fragile steel in her eyes. Her words stirred the tension that constantly threatened to grip him. As he spent more time with her, his own motives became more distasteful to him.

"Honestly, I would just like the whole business to be done with. I can't endure another season. And if that means marrying Suffolk, so be it." Cora's voice faltered and she clenched her teeth and ignored the tight burning of her throat. She would not cry in public. Ladies did not swoon with emotion.

The air between them was heavy and Cora cursed her impropriety. She was not expected to talk of wants or desires. She was expected to bend to the will of those around her and if Robert had any inclination of proposing to her before, she was sure he had changed his mind now. He would think her hysterical and weak after her words, surely. It would be a pity if she scared him away as she had a good idea why he paid her so much attention. He was a better option than the duke.

"Aren't you too young to be so defeatist?" Robert asked and Cora took it as a good sign that he still was speaking to her.

"I'll be twenty-one in a month!" she declared, trying to lighten the mood.

"Downright ancient then. Forgive me." They had never bantered before and it was nice and foreign. Robert turned serious again. "Do you not want to marry then?"

"What I really want is...I don't know actually. I wanted something...once, but my mother has always made the decisions for our family, so here I am."

"So here you are." Robert had a sudden urge to take her hand, but he did not and they both reclined back into silence.

"How are things with your young American?" Julia tried to sound neutral but Robert knew her and he heard the notes of condescension. He refrained from speaking about Cora with her. It felt wrong to talk about her to another woman and it made him feel sullied somehow.

He ignored Julia's question and he doubted she would pry. If they started to talk about Cora then they would need to talk about them. He was close to making a decision and once he did, if Cora accepted, he would need to quit Julia. Julia would protest, try to persuade him that nothing need change, but it would and part of him was glad for that.


	3. Choosing A Path

Chapter 3- Choosing A Path

July 1889

Cora lay awake staring at shadows on the ceiling. She relived the dinner at Grantham house that night and wondered what they thought. Lady Grantham cringed every time her mother spoke; Lord Grantham smirked behind his wine. She, in turn, spoke very little. They had been civil and very polite and Cora had tried to be as demure as she could without being too timid. It seemed successful, on the surface, but her uncertainty kept her mind turning. She didn't know that she could imagine herself a permanent fixture at that proper table.

Robert's proposal the day before had been left unanswered. She may have said yes straight away if things were different. He was kind and handsome but she knew he didn't love her. He had been truthful about the state of Downton, which she had been grateful for. While he hadn't come out and said he was hunting her fortune, she was not stupid. She was more than a little confused and very torn. Her feelings for Robert had grown in a way that she hadn't thought possible after William. They had only known each other a handful of months, but there was a tenderness she saw at times in his grey eyes that seized her heart and made her believe perhaps they could find an understanding with one another. She was not supposed to fall in love, not after pledging her loyalty to William, not when knowing these Englishmen were only after two things, money and her womb.

Nevertheless, she found herself thinking of Robert more and more. He was the one bright spot on her whole miserable trip to England. She really wanted nothing more than to leave the cold country, but that was most likely not a possibility. Not if she wanted a moments peace again, for Martha would make her pay if another season went by without a proposal. Cora thought more about Robert and knew that she held him in genuine affection. Worried that the feelings she had for him would grow into more if married, she wondered what would be more painful in the end, a dead love or an unrequited one.

Cora imagined the life before her, in the drafty old house she had yet to see with the indifferent people she met the night before, her money sustaining them all. These tormented decisions always seemed to work out in Austen novels, but she feared she may not be so lucky.

* * *

"I am sorry Robert. I cannot give my blessing in this." Violet arranged the folds of her skirts and sat back, waiting for her son to battle on. She knew that he would. She had made the American even more appealing by disapproving.

"Why? She was spot on the entire visit. You cannot find fault in one thing!"

"Robert, I'll remind you to watch your tone with your mother." Richard Crawley said carefully, trying to maintain the peace.

Violet took a sip of her sherry. "She was lovely Robert. And she'll make some other man a lovely wife I am sure. She just isn't the one for you."

"And why is that exactly? Because she's American?" Robert's agitation was hard to repress. Cora's visit seemed such a success he was sure his parents had been won over. To be met with a fight was disheartening.

"Do you love her Robert?" Violet inquired, leaning toward him and raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I mean...it's very…." Robert stuttered, caught off guard by his mother's question.

"That's what I thought. Let me enlighten you, my dear. That girl is smitten with you. It's as plain as the nose on her face. Some young man is going to marry her for her money and break her heart. Do you really want that man to be you?" Violet's steel grey eyes bored into her son waiting for him to see reason.

"Mama," Robert started carefully, "I may not love her, but I am fond of her…."

"Robert!" Violet interrupted, tiring quickly of the conversation and losing her patience. "Fond of her? She is a child! You are going to try and build a marriage that could last another sixty years on her infatuation and your fondness. You'll be lucky if she doesn't run away after two months!"

"And were you so in love with each other when you married?" Robert looked at each of his parents, daring them to say otherwise.

"Now Robert, you know our marriage was arranged." Richard replied.

"So what is the difference?" Robert implored.

"The difference, dear boy, is that we came from similar stock. I was quite prepared for this life and Miss Levinson hasn't the faintest idea what being your wife will mean. Her parents will be three thousand miles away. Her whole world will be turned upside down. Really, I have both of your best interests at heart when I say this dalliance should end."

Robert stood tall and steadied his voice before replying. "I've quite made up my mind and I'll marry her with or without your blessing."

"Robert, perhaps your mother is right. I know you are considering Downton and while the dowry may be very appealing, marriage is a finality for people like us. "

"I know this Papa." Robert sat down, digesting the words his father spoke. He had thought about nothing else for weeks now, weighing all of the facts and implications. And at first the prospect of spending the rest of his life with Cora daunted him but as he thought on it more it became so that he couldn't picture anyone else by his side. Whenever he thought about five, ten, twenty years down the road, it was her gentle spirit and fierce beauty that was by his side.

"Really, I've thought heavily on this for many weeks. It's not a decision I am making lightly. I want to make her my wife." Robert looked pointedly at his mother. "And for more than just her money. I'll not lie, it's what led me to her in the first place. But it's her that's made me want to make a life together. It may not be love, but it is something."

Robert watched as his parents exchanged looks, hopeful that there would be no more fighting on the subject. His father raised his eyebrows and his mother sighed and waved her hand in irritation.

"I'll only say this. Beauty fades. Remember that." And with that Violet closed her mouth, knowing that her son had quite made up his mind.

* * *

Not able to stand the weight of her disdainful squint any longer, Robert averted his eyes to the floor. She had met his knock at her door in her robe and negligee, as was her custom but he had made no move to disrobe himself of his tails. Perhaps he should have made his intentions explicit when he asked to see Lady Pembroke, but he knew he needed the upper hand for what he was about to tell her. And by her disgusted expression, he had been right.

"So that's it then? Because the foreigner has said yes we're finished?"

Robert sighed and ran his hand under his collar, feeling the heat of the room. "Julia, surely you must see it has to be this way-"

"No, I really do not." Julia interrupted, her voice remaining cool. She regarded Robert with an arched eyebrow. "I'm disappointed. I thought you were more mature than your years, but clearly you aren't as far removed from the nursery as I once believed you to be."

Robert's irritation at her reaction was rivaled by his irritation at himself . From the beginning he had caught glimpses of her vapidness and people talked of her cruel ways, but he had been naive enough to think that he she would never turn on him.

"Robert, you aren't that strongly convicted. Don't pretend that you are. Was this a stipulation of the American's? She refused you until we broke it off? She's quite young but you must be firm with her from the start."

The look on Robert's face must have betrayed his thoughts because Julia 's mouth curved into a smirk and she released a low chuckle. "Oh Robert, you haven't even told her. My, you are a devious boy! What will she think when she finds out after the fact?"

Robert felt a swell of anger heat up his face. He stepped toward her and clenched his fists by his side. He swallowed the words on the tip of his tongue, smart enough to know not to provoke her. Calming himself, his voice held little of the hate that he now felt toward the smug woman before him.

"Julia, I'd prefer she not know about this. We are done. There is nothing left to discuss." And with that he quickly left her room and her home.


	4. I Plight Thee My Troth

Chapter 4- I Plight Thee My Troth

September 1889

The day had been a haze of activity and anxious anticipation. Robert tugged at his collar, the stiff starchiness scratching at his neck. He leaned uncomfortably from one foot to the other as the stranger before him prattled on about steamships or railroads, Robert couldn't quite keep up. His thoughts jumped around, thinking of what led him to this day and wondering if he hadn't been hasty afterall. The last thought scared him the most, as there was no turning back now, they had said 'I do' before God and family. He had made promises to her at the altar that he was just wondering if he could keep.

Robert looked around the crowded room of well wishers and wondered if they all could see his duplicity. If he were back in England, his friends and peers would barely be able to contain their veiled winks, their sly nudges. Their expectations of the married life differed vastly from the crowd of New Yorkers surrounding him. These people believed in love and monogamy and the exception was the spouse that strayed. He had never lied to Cora about his feelings but he still felt the cad. She was painfully young and for all her breeding and refinement and knowledge, there was something below the surface that he couldn't grasp and it unnerved him. He wondered if she had really given enough thought to what they had signed their lives to. He feared that she would regret her decision some day in the future, when the girl she was eventually grew into a woman and found herself woefully unhappy.

Robert now felt the finality of his decision and he questioned his feelings and reasons for marrying Cora. He had been telling himself it was about more than money. It helped him sleep at night; it helped him look her in the eyes. The memory of watching her pen waver slightly as they signed the papers that would strip her of a fortune she had never even touched was still with him. He had felt both sympathy for her and disgust with himself as she worried her bottom lip in between her teeth; his father's barrister explaining the details of the entail in the brisque language of the law. He saw her trying to untwist the implications and ramifications in her head and she briefly looked at him, cold fear in her eyes. He tried to smile encouragingly. The fear he had seen was replaced by a straightening of her shoulders and a resignation that pained him. Robert wondered if the harsh transaction the day before cast a pall over her mood today as it did his.

Nausea on one's wedding day, he was sure, was not a good sign of things to come. He broke off from the group he was speaking to with a muttered apology and walked toward the drinks table set up in the corner, intent on another glass of champagne. Standing there, taking small sips of the bubbly liquid, Robert glanced to his left and then fully turned to take in the scene. His new wife was surrounded by friends, the other women talked animatedly and quickly as he was learning was the custom in America.

Cora, in contrast, listened quietly, her eyes turned down. He didn't think she was even listening to them. He saw her staring at her hand, gently fingering the rings there, the diamond engagement ring he had given her as well as the new wedding band. Robert was temporarily lost watching her, the light from the window to her side shining in on her and making the diamonds and embroidery of her wedding dress sparkle. From the moment he saw her, he knew she was beautiful, but this day had surpassed even her best day in England. She had been breath taking coming down the aisle and he couldn't quite believe that the creature approaching him was to be his.

Robert took another sip of his champagne. He needed to stop this morose line of thought. It was his wedding day afterall. He should attempt to enjoy himself. With the intention of doing that he purposefully strode over to his new bride and bowed ceremoniously. The women flanking her giggled like little girls and he tried to refrain from rolling his eyes. Cora curtsied sweetly before offering her hand and he led her to the dance floor as a waltz began. Twirling her around, he remembered their first dance. She had on the same perfume and it, along with the feel of her in his arms, helped clear his head of some of the dark thoughts that plagued him.

"Have I told you yet how stunning you are today?" Robert asked quietly.

Cora's cheeks pinked at his words and she swept her eyes down shyly before looking up again. "Do you really think so?"

Robert was taken slightly aback. "Of course! Haven't you seen yourself in the mirror? How can you even question it!"

"It's just...I feel slightly ridiculous. And self conscious."

Robert used the hand that was holding hers to turn her chin up to him so he could see her eyes. There was too much there to decipher. "You really have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?"

Her blush from before deepend. "It must be from all of those years of Harold voicing his brotherly opinions. As it is, I feel like a peacock on display at the zoo now."

Robert chuckled before squeezing her hand affectionately. "You should get used to it, Lady Downton."

"Now there is something that will take getting used to, most definitely." Cora replied.

* * *

The dizzying pace of the last two weeks had left Cora's head spinning. The arrival of Robert and his family, the lunches and teas and social calls leading up to the wedding, the wedding itself and their departure two days later for Europe were a blur. Cora felt she finally had a chance to breath, standing at the railing, the cold night air of the Atlantic whipping her dress around her feet. She fumbled in her pocket for a ginger candy, her stomach rolling as the ship crashed through the rocky waves of the water. Never having been a good sailor, Cora had been trying to ignore the sick feeling that had started soon after they disembarked. New York harbor had long since faded into a small line on the horizon and now it was just open sea all around. Already, Cora could feel the clench in her chest as she wondered when she would be back on America's shores. She refused to think that it would be never, but knowing Robert's disdain for her country, she couldn't imagine it would be soon. She had never seen her father cry but there were tears in his eyes as he hugged her goodbye on the dock and his voice was gruff as he made Robert promise to take care of her. He had pressed a small item into her hand before she left, her tiny stuffed dog, which had been a favorite of hers as a child, long since forgotten. _ For good luck _, he had said before holding her tight once more and then releasing her to the waiting arms of her husband.

Cora wiped away a stray tear, hoping to banish the overpowering melancholy that was descending on her quickly. Her wedding day had been truly lovely, except for the part where the groom declares his undying love and devotion to the fair maid, but Robert had looked pleased most of the day and his mother had refrained from too many strained looks. She had been happy that day and that night, when Robert came to her. It wasn't so awful as her mother had led her to believe but he had left her afterwards, alone with her thoughts.

She should be looking forward to their honeymoon, but all Cora could think about was the life and the girl she was leaving behind and all of the things she didn't know that would be waiting for her in her new life. She heard whispers at the reception, friends of her mother's and their daughters who had made the Atlantic crossing before her. They talked of cold houses and colder husbands and servants that double crossed and calculating in laws. Most took lovers, or endured their husbands infidelities. She had to walk away before their tales could implant themselves any further into her imagination.

A crack of lightning split the sky above her and fat rain drops began to fall on her head. Hurrying away from the railing she swayed with the boat as the ocean turned even choppier below her. Cora was soaked by the time she reached the cabin door, which was already being held open by Robert who looked up and down the corridor for her. She wondered at the furrow in his brow which cleared as he saw her.

"I was getting worried! It's quite stormy out there." Robert placed a hand on her back and guided her into their room.

After closing the door, Robert turned to his wife. Cora stood in the middle of the room, dripping, with her arms around herself trying to warm up. The boat lurched to the side and they both stumbled. Reaching out quickly, he steadied her on her feet and rubbed her cold hands in between his.

"You should change, your freezing." Robert said softly. "Would you like help?"

Taken by surprise at his request, Cora had to stop herself from gasping at his forwardness. He was her husband now, she had to remind herself, the idea still so foreign. Nodding her head and lowering her eyes she presented her back to Robert and barely felt his touch as he quickly undid the many tiny buttons running the length of her dress. She closed her eyes and sighed as the fabric fell to the floor, exposing her back to the cool air of the room. Robert unlaced her corset and her whole body felt the sudden freedom of release as the boned cage fell off of her. The tracing of Robert's finger from the side of her neck down to her shoulder triggered a shiver and her breathing quickened. Cora tried to concentrate on the feeling of his soft touch but as she attempted to clear her mind she became more aware of the swaying under her feet and the tossing of her stomach.

"Robert?" She muttered through gritted teeth.

"Yes?" Robert's voice was husky and low.

Cora broke away from his hands and ran to the water closet, unable to swallow down her seasickness any longer. Robert stood there dumbly, his hand still poised in the air where her neck had just been. He wasn't sure what had caused her to go running away from him, naked, until he heard the violent sound of her retching. Standing there momentarily, Robert struggled with what to do. He didn't think "in sickness and in health" would be tested so soon in their young marriage. He went to the door and knocked.

"Are you alright?" Robert shook his head and put it in his hands, unsure why he became a buffoon in Cora's presence. It was quite obvious by the continued sounds of her sickness that she was anything but alright.

He waited outside, wanting to give her privacy, but he worried that maybe the gallant thing to do would be to go in. Robert had almost convinced himself to go to her when she appeared in the frame of the doorway, a towel wrapped around her, holding on while the ship continued to sway. The ghost white pallor of her face and the watering of her eyes inspired a surge of affection in Robert and he swept her up into his arms, carrying her to her bed.

Placing her gently down, Robert stroked her hair and she closed her eyes and breathed rhythmically, trying to settle her still rolling stomach.

"Can I get you anything?" Robert asked.

"Maybe some water." Cora replied, her eyes still closed and her face turning even more green as the boat continued to lurch. A soft groan escaped her lips. Robert quickly poured her a drink and sat at the edge of the bed while she took small sips.

"Are you prone to seasickness?" Robert inquired, taking the glass from her hands and helping her into her nightdress, trying not to let the brief flashes of her skin excite him.

"Unfortunately, yes…" Cora replied, allowing him to gently push her down on the bed. She curled up on her side, too embarrassed to meet his eyes. She could only imagine what he thought of her, and wondered if this would make him think her weakly constituted. Her mother had tried to impart on her the importance of appearing vigorous and strong when courting. Every Englishman wanted to know you would thrive in the country and be able to bear the rigors of repeat pregnancies.

"It must have been torture for you, crossing the Atlantic so many times this past year…" Robert's voice was as soft as the touch of his hand as it made circular motions in the middle of her back. The acidic tidal wave in her stomach quieted under his care and she felt exhaustion claim her, letting his words linger in the air between them.

* * *

Robert took a gratifying sip from his glass, the bubbles of the champagne already playing with his head and leaving him giddy. He looked across the candlelit table and took in the sight of his wife. He still stuttered around that word, barely able to imagine that he was now someone's husband. The three weeks they had spent in France had been awkward and enjoyable, in equal parts. Cora was an agreeable traveling companion, once she got on dry land and off the ship. She had an almost unending reserve of energy and towed him from spot to spot wanting to see as much as possible. Robert was pleased to discuss art and history and politics with her, marveling at the points she would make or the impressions certain things had on her. Her French was perfection and he listened to her fondly as she conversed with the staff that served them. He hadn't the slightest idea what she was saying, but those fluid words coming out of her perfect mouth was a sight he could see for hours on end.

He watched her as she picked up her own glass and met his eyes over the rim. Her's were a deeper blue than he had ever seen, reflecting the light off of her sapphire colored dress. They held him as he stared back at her, having to restrain himself from reaching across the table and touching her hand. He realized, as more and more of the awkwardness began to wear away during their time together, that he wanted to make her happy and it scared him to have so much control over someone else's life. The way she looked at him told him so. Since their marriage, Robert watched Cora transform slowly as she grew more comfortable in his presence. She still fell back into moments of shyness, but more often she no longer watered down her reactions. Her eyes would grow wide when she was pleased. Her mouth spread into an infectious smile when she was happy. She clapped her hands when she was excited. And when her eyes met his he could see her love for him. It made the residual guilt he had over his reasons for marrying her almost unbearable and when she uttered the words after their fourth night in Paris he hated himself for not being able to say them back.

Smiling at her, Robert tilted his glass towards hers and she met him across the table, the crystal edges tinkling together. Cora raised her eyebrows before taking a sip.

"To us." Robert said. "I hope you've enjoyed yourself as much as I have."

Cora gazed at Robert for a moment before looking down. "Being here with you has been magical." She said, her voice so low Robert had to lean closer.

Perhaps it was the champagne that made him so bold but Robert found he could no longer resist his urge to touch her. He reached across the table and folded her hand into his, rubbing the silky skin. She looked up, startled and her face transformed into the happiest he had seen her so far, her eyes on him. He could get lost in them, he was sure.

Cora, feeling empowered by Robert's touch, returned his caress, teasing the underside of his wrist with her thumb. The last few weeks had been hard, but also sweet. Sometimes, their silences could grow uncomfortable, when each ran out of something to say or when they disagreed and weren't sure how to proceed. She imagined it would get easier over time, but it made the present a little unbearable just the same. Cora felt wound up tightly most of the time, weighing each word and action heavily, trying to figure out the right combination to win Robert's love. It was exhausting her mentally and she worried that she would fail. However, there were times, when he was unconscious of his own actions, when she saw that his feelings for her were deeper than just friendliness. A slight touch to the small of her back, the way he protectively drew her closer on a crowded street, the gaze she could feel on her body when she wasn't looking at him, they all indicated that he more than tolerated her.

Robert's touch on her hand grew more insistent and he caught her by surprise when he stated, "I'm quite full suddenly. Shall we go?"

Cora had barely heard the door shut behind them when Robert grabbed her waist and roughly turned her around before crushing her to him. Her brief moment of terror was replaced as his mouth hungrily devoured hers and she replied with equal fervour, stunned how quickly his actions affected her. She was minimally aware of his frantic hands tugging at her dress and corset, too caught up in her own need to touch him. It shocked her that however awkward they could be outside the bedroom, in it they were perfectly in sync, growing bolder and more attuned to each other with every coupling.

This part of marriage was the most terrific fun.

Robert could think of nothing but getting her dress off. His need for her grew everyday. Usually he was able to temper his responses, but after a night of drinking champagne, the look of her in that dress and the slow stroke of her hand barrelled through all of his defenses and it was all he could do to wait until they were in the seclusion of their room before pouncing on her. By the way she responded to his touch with a similar frenzy, she was just as ready as he was. He had been worried about this part of their relationship, before their wedding night. He panicked that she would be frightened and think the whole business messy; a duty she performed periodically for the sole production of an heir. It was a pleasant surprise when Cora seemed to enjoy and even encourage the exploration of their intimacy. She had yet to deny his advances and had even engineered some of her own. As prepared as his relationship with Julia had made him for the physical part of making love, it had been nothing compared to what he was just beginning to have with Cora.

"My God. How do you grow more beautiful?" Robert whispered, taking in her naked form below him before lowering himself down into her waiting arms.


	5. Foreign

Chapter 5- Foreign

November 1889

Cora stood in front of the fire, her shawl wrapped tightly around her. Inching a little closer she briefly imagined stepping into it, the cold having seeped into her bones the last few days and leaving her teeth constantly chattering. The flurry of activity that followed her and Robert's arrival at Downton after their honeymoon had been followed by a seemingly endless round of gatherings around the county, all orchestrated to introduce the new couple. But with the impending arrival of winter and the shortening of days came an end to the warmth and constant activity and it was only now that Cora felt the full effect of her foreignness.

Her relationship with Robert too had cooled. Where once he accommodated and gently guided her, he now grew impatient and short. The more Cora tried to assimilate the more missteps she made, it seemed. Violet's sharp voice would correct her constantly, calling her out on some slight faux pas. Cora tried to push aside the feelings of hurt that her husband's sighs of annoyance would conjure in her heart and she found herself speaking less and less, happy to fade into the background as completely as she could. The coldness of the season matched the temperature of the people in the house and Cora started to believe she would never feel the warmth of the sun again.

Letters home were filled with false good cheer. She could not bring herself to disclose her growing misery. She lay awake at night, after she and Robert performed their marital duty and wondered where she had gone wrong. Gone was the husband of only a few months ago, the one who tentatively reached for her hand across a table in France. In the darkness of her room, Cora couldn't help but let the shadows play on her mind. Her growing sadness was oppressive. More often than not, she would cry herself to sleep, depressed by the idea of spending fifty more years living the life she had bound herself to. Lately, William invaded her thoughts as she imagined how contrasted her life would be if he hadn't died and this felt like an infidelity. Not telling Robert about him had felt like a betrayal but she could not speak to someone who held himself so distantly from her about something so personal.

Her musings were interrupted by an abrupt rap at the door and she softly bade the knocker to enter, surprised to see her husband's grim face in the doorway. Seeing her by the fire, standing in her riding outfit and wrapped tightly in her shall he raised his eyebrows in question.

"You're joining the hunt?"

"Yes. You needn't be so shocked. Or was I not invited?" Cora found she could not put on a simpering, sweet face that day and answered his incredulity with the acid she felt bubbling in her gut. Her tone startled her husband, and he faltered for a moment.

"Of course you are welcome." Robert recovered quickly. "But you've been ill, so I assumed…."

"It's just a chest cold. Maybe fresh air and sport will do me well." And with that Cora turned from him to move to her vanity, pretending to search for something there. She did not want Robert to see the way her eyes welled up as she detected disappointment in his voice.

"Cora…" Robert said her name hesitantly, taking a step towards her. He could see part of her reflection in the vanity mirror and the struggle she was undergoing to maintain her composure. If things were simpler, if he were a different person, he would go to her and wrap his arms around her. He wasn't completely cold as she may think, he knew she was unhappy and seeing the evidence of it day in and out caused a nervous twitching of his insides when he was near her. But Robert had never been confronted with such depth of female emotion and hadn't the first idea how to get beyond his own discomfort and help her.

Inwardly, Robert worried about the arrival of Lord and Lady Pembroke. They were staying with Sir Rothe over at Haxby and when the old friend of his father's had asked if his house guests could join as well, no one was able to refuse. Robert's only consolation had been that he believed Cora would sit out the hunt, and therefore be out of Julia's reach. He hadn't spoken to the woman since his disastrous ending of their affair and he was more than a little petrified of what she would do in front of Cora. Perhaps if they were in a better place he could speak to her about it, but she seemed so forlorn lately that he had no idea how she would receive his explanation of things.

Robert cleared his throat. "I'm very glad that you'll be joining us today. And Rosamund will be delighted as well, I'm sure." Robert released the breath he didn't realize he was holding when he saw the small smile that turned her lips up. He went to her and offered his arm and her look of surprise before taking it made him feel sorry that this intimacy didn't come naturally to him as it did her. He vowed to try harder.

"Lady Downton, it's so good to meet you at last! We've heard so much about you!" Cora's smile was a little unsure as Lady Pembroke focused her attention on her. She detected a bit of insincerity in the older woman's tone but remained silent, watching her husband as he shuffled, looking annoyed and uncomfortable. Despite his objection to the contrary, she worried that he was disappointed she had joined them.

Rosamund pulled her aside just before mounting her horse, to discuss a ladies tea that she was organizing for the following day. Cora listened intently until Lady Pembroke's figure caught her eye, striding purposefully toward Robert. Rosamund's voice faded as she watched the woman speak to her husband, standing a bit too close. She looked confident and a bit too familiar and when she reached out and touched Robert's elbow Cora held her breath for a beat. Robert's pursed mouth and stiff pose made him look sufficiently embarrassed but his darting eyes made her suspicious.

"Cora? Where have you gone?" Rosamund's voice cut through to her and she jumped slightly, turning back to her sister in law.

"I'm sorry. I suppose I was distracted for a moment. That all sounds lovely. Of course I'll attend."

Rosamund took her by the crook of her arm and they walked toward the others. "Don't worry yourself about her." Cora followed Rosamund's gaze to Lady Pembroke, who was walking away from Robert. "She can't hold a candle to you."


	6. I Think That Possibly I've Fallen for Yo

Chapter 6- I Think That Possibly I've Fallen for You

January 1890

Cora sat in the library, her leg bouncing under the weight of her skirts. She wasn't aware of chewing her nail until Violet reached up and carefully removed it from her mouth. Looking up quickly, she expected the disdainful scowl that Violet usually reserved for her but was shocked to see a soft sympathy in her eyes. Cora glanced down at her lap and noticed that Violet had stilled her trembling hands with her own.

"My dear, Robert will be fine. You'll realize soon enough when you have sons of your own that broken bones come with the territory. If I grew frightful every time the doctor was called, I would have been medicated long ago." Violet's laughter settled Cora's fears slightly and she tilted her head back and forth, trying to release the tension that had built in her shoulders since Robert had been thrown from his horse.

"This is what Robert gets for trying to show off for his pretty wife." Lord Grantham's chuckling voice entered the library before he did. He waved Cora forward and she sprang from her seat. "The doctor is done setting his leg. Robert's asking for you, dear."

"He is?" The words flew out of her mouth before she could think and she cursed inwardly at the sound of her eager tone.

"Of course he is. Who wouldn't want to see this lovely face in their time of need?" Lord Grantham patted her shoulder affectionately before going to his wife. Cora walked quickly from the library while still in the view of Robert's parents and then flew up the stairs when she was no longer in their sight.

She knocked carefully on Robert's door, waiting for his permission before entering. Cora found Robert on his bed; his leg encased in wet plaster from ankle to hip and propped up on pillows. Cora gasped at the enormity of the cast.

"It looks much worse than it is." Robert said soothingly.

"I'm so sorry Robert." Cora replied, going to his bedside and sitting down gingerly, trying not to jostle the bed. She took Robert's hand in hers and brought it up to her lips, giving it a tentative kiss. Robert watched her, fascinated by her actions and the way her simple care made him briefly forget the pain in his leg. He quickly grew confused and concerned when she choked back tears.

"I was so frightened. When I saw you fall, I thought…"Cora's voice faded off and she turned away from Robert. Her fear for him was touching, if not a little overwrought. He stroked her cheek.

"I am alright Cora. Really. I think my pride is more wounded than anything else." Robert said with a sigh and Cora laughed softly, pushing the terror she had felt away.

For the next few weeks, Cora spent most of her time in Robert's dressing room, tending to his needs. In the mornings she would read to him, lying against him as he absentmindedly played with the curls of her hair. Her voice lulled him to an almost catatonic state and he grew to love her foreign tones more than he thought possible. This close, her perfume enveloped him while she read, the press of her body warming his. Robert tried to name the feeling that overcame him during their hours together spent in repose, her melodious voice the only sound in the room. He knew he had never experienced it before. It began in his belly and rose up in his chest. Sitting with Cora, listening to her read Henry James, he thought he may have finally found true contentment.

She took her lunch with him, and while he ate, he gently probed her with questions; the two of them still such strangers. He was upset with himself for spending so many months trying to manage his feelings and his duty without trying to learn more about her. Cora told him about growing up in Cincinnati and the large expanse of land they owned and running wild over it for hours on end. She spoke of hijinx with her brother and her grandfather who snuck her licorice. In turn, Robert shared snippets of his own childhood, spent terrorizing governesses and Rosamund.

Two weeks into his convalescence, Robert captured Cora's hand while she kissed him goodnight, keeping her in the spot near him before she could retire to her own room. She looked at him questioningly and he took a deep breath, gaining courage.

"I wonder if you might stay here." He blurted out. Cora blushed and looked down.

"Robert, I don't know that we can….that is to say with your leg you might…."

Robert shook his head. "I don't mean to be….intimate. I wonder if maybe we could just lie together...and fall asleep."

Cora could not prevent her shock from showing on her face and Robert let go of her hand, ready to apologize for implying that she would want to share his bed. Before he could speak she removed her robe and gently settled under the covers beside him. He smiled and laid back, drawing her into the crook of his arm. She rested her head on his chest and let out a little hum of sound before kissing the underside of his chin and burrowing herself deeper into his body. He closed his eyes and found sleep quickly.

* * *

Robert sat uncomfortably in his bed, succumbing to the indignity of a sponge bath. He silently urged Carson to get on with it, knowing that Cora would be in soon for the next installment of _Portrait of a Lady_ and he was impatient to be in her company. There was a timid knock on his dressing room door followed by it's opening.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Robert. I didn't…." Cora's voice faded off and she looked away from his bare chest. Robert sat up at the tremble in her voice, and smiled slyly to Carson as the color in her cheeks rose.

"Carson, would you excuse us?" Robert asked his valet softly. The man nodded and slipped out of the room.

"I didn't mean to interrupt. It's silly really. I could come back." Cora turned to leave but Robert held up his hand.

"No, no. Stay." Robert encouraged her toward his bed.

Looking anywhere but his bare chest, Cora tentatively sat on his bed. She had never seen Robert so nude in the daylight, and never while just speaking to him. The sight of him made her a little breathless.

"What was it you wished to tell me?" Robert asked.

"I...that is to say...Rosamund accepted an invitation for her and I to a luncheon at Haxby for today. I wonder if you wouldn't mind…." Cora made the mistake of looking to the side. The muscles of Robert's chest were a fingers touch away.

"Of course. Go." Robert said softly. "But, may I get a kiss first." Robert hoped he hadn't pushed her too much but he couldn't resist as she sat next to him, staring at him with heavy lidded eyes and rapid breathing.

Cora startled. "Yes." She leaned in and he captured the base of her head, guiding her gently. When her lips yielded to his he deepened the contact, tasting her. It had been too many weeks since they had been together and the unexpected touch they shared now made his blood rush under his skin. Robert struggled to keep his hand away from the breast that leaned against him, knowing they would need to stop. He cursed his leg and leaned back slowly, prolonging the kiss but putting an end to it before he lost his will to let her go.

Cora remained where she had been, eyes closed and lips parted. Robert traced her lips with his finger, the contact making her sigh. Sometimes he was so gentle she wondered how they hadn't gotten things right from the start. If they both could just let go she believed they could be happy, all the time.

"You should go before you are late. Rosamund will never let you hear the end of it." His words broke the spell his hand was casting and she looked at him with dreamy eyes before getting up and kissing him goodbye.

* * *

"Charlotte, tell Cora she's being silly!" Rosamund implored their hostess. Cora swatted at her sister in law under the table, praying that she wasn't referring to what she had spoken to her about in confidence.

Charlotte looked at the sister in laws in expectation, her eyebrows raised at Rosamund's indulgent expression and Cora's horrified one. Rosamund rolled her eyes and leaned in, lowering her voice so the servants wouldn't hear. She shushed Cora's moan before opening her own mouth.

"She's quite worked up that she and Robert aren't expecting yet." Rosamund stated.

Charlotte's chuckle was kind and she turned to Cora with sympathetic eyes. "Oh Cora dear, has Lady Grantham been pestering you?"

"No!" Cora was quick to defend her mother in law, out of a sense of familial loyalty, which she had quickly learned was of great importance to the older woman.

Charlotte shook her head. "You've only been married for a handful of months. Give it time." The woman stroked her own distended stomach and Cora took in the unconscious movement, envious. "It took us twice that long! It will happen."

Cora exhaled. "It's just that everyone makes it seem like it happens so easily, before you are married. And then when you actually….try...it doesn't seem such a sure thing."

"There are….ways….to speed the process along. If you're impatient for Mother Nature to take her course." The fourth woman had been silent throughout their exchange. She sat back in her chair, her expression purposefully unreadable. Cora hadn't cared for the woman when she met her at the hunt and her second meeting was leaving her skin cold as well.

"Oh Julia! And what would that be pray tell?" Charlotte asked.

"Well, there is a doctor in Thursk that sells a tonic that helps fertility. I know people who swear by it." Julia shrugged as though bored with the conversation.

"A charlatan, you mean." Rosamund said.

Cora chewed her lip thoughtfully. "Does it really work?"

"Cora, please! Don't even entertain such thoughts. Everything will work out in the end." Rosamund patted her sister in laws shoulder and glared at Julia. She had heard the rumors about her and Robert and she believed the vicious woman was playing with her naive sister in law for sport.

Julia smirked at Rosamund before continuing in a dramatic tone. "I've heard it said that there's also a mixture for assuring the baby's a male."

"No!" Cora's eyes widened at the idea.

"That's enough! I'll not let you say any more such nonsense to her. Cora, she's lying and even if such things exist, they don't work! Who knows what they're made of?" Rosamund's anger was palpable.

The rest of the lunch was filled with strained silence and the occasional neutral remark. Cora remained deep in her own mind, mulling over what Julia had said. She knew it was probably a sham, she wasn't stupid after all, but she was desperate. To Charlotte and Rosamund, they saw a young couple, still practically newlyweds, with time on their side. But Cora believed that she was close to winning Robert's heart. The past weeks had been filled with tenderness and affection that hadn't been present but for fleeting moments before. As their fragile happiness stuttered along she became addicted to the kindness Robert could be capable of. If she hadn't been fully in love with him before, she was impossibly devoted now and she was eager to please him. She was sure a baby would be the thing to sway him, finally, into giving her his heart and so she yearned for it with a fervor she had never had for anything else. She was impatient for it.

While waiting for the carriage later that afternoon, Lady Pembroke approached her and pressed a piece of paper into her palm. "If you'd like to give it a go," the older woman whispered in her ear before stepping away and taking the arm of her driver.

* * *

March 1890

The bottle had arrived in the post almost two months ago and Cora had taken the tonic every day, as advised. After taking a dropper of the disgusting liquid, she would say a silent prayer that this time it would work, promising any number of things if she could just carry Robert's baby. Then she would lay her hands on her flat stomach and imagine a child growing there. The books she had ordered had all told her that positive thoughts and a pure conscience would help her, and she worried that something sullied her soul when no baby seemed present.

One morning, her routine was broken by a tightening in her stomach and she sat up in bed. The movement was followed by a slight watering in her mouth and a tidal wave of nausea. Stumbling out of her bed she fled to the commode as sickness overtook her. She endured three days of the same kind of morning before letting herself hope. Cora waited until Robert would be out on the estate before calling the doctor to Downton, not wanting to raise his suspicions or hopes before she was sure.

Violet watched her daughter in law carefully as she sipped her tea. The younger woman had looked a little peaked all week and, despite excusing herself every afternoon for a nap after luncheon, appeared exhausted. She took a cautious bite of biscuit before placing it down and resting her hand unconsciously over her stomach. Violet wondered when the young couple would share their news with the rest of the family. She made a mental note to pull Jenkins aside and instruct her to refrain from tight lacing Cora's corsets from now on. Smiling behind her teacup, Violet felt some of the anxiety she had over forcing Robert's marriage dissipate. Perhaps everything would work out after all.

* * *

The pain started as soon as Jenkins closed her door after helping her out of her tea dress. Cora braced her vanity table and bit her lip as the sharp stabs began in her back and radiated around her sides, gripping her abdomen. The intensity stole her breath momentarily and she swallowed the instinct to scream as she felt the trickling of something wet down her legs. Cora ran into her bathroom and with shaking fingers unlaced the bows to her dressing gown. She eased her hurting body into the empty bathtub and brought her knees to her chest hugging them close. In the solitariness of the white room, she finally allowed her sobs to come, her child's life and the elation she had felt over it, lost down the drain.

Moments, or hours had passed, Cora wasn't sure. She washed the dried blood off of her herself and then tackled the porcelain of the tub, viciously scrubbing. Every action made her body scream in protest but she ignored it, determined to erase the evidence of what had happened. Robert hadn't even known she was pregnant. She had thought to tell him on his birthday tomorrow and so for a week had kept the secret to herself. And now, he would never know that for a brief moment, they were to be parents. She couldn't say anything now.

Cora was so lost in thought and task that she failed to hear her bedroom door open. The gasp at the bathroom threshold startled her and she looked up wildly, letting out a relieved sigh at the sight of her maid.

"Milday?" The woman's voice was soft and sympathetic but Cora ignored her questioning eyes. She had suspected that the older woman knew of her condition when she had begun tying her corsets looser.

"Burn those." Cora said stiffly, pointing to the bloodied gown and underclothes that still lay in an abandoned heap. She pushed herself up and walked gingerly past the maid and into her room.

"Has the dressing gong gone off?" Cora asked, standing in front of her vanity and refusing to meet the woman's eyes. The maid continued to stare at the pile of clothing before shaking her head and coming up behind Cora.

"Do you think maybe you should rest, milady?"

Cora pushed her shoulders back and straightened herself, schooling her face into a neutral mask. "I'm perfectly fine, Jenkins. Please dress me for dinner."

Robert kept glancing at Cora throughout the meal, concerned by her lack of participation. She had to be addressed several times before looking up, dazed and asking for the question to be repeated. His father laughed good naturedly at her absent mindedness but his mother was studying her with an unreadable look and Robert was becoming frustrated. Just as they seemed to get to a place where he thought he understood her, where they were moving forward, she would confound him. It was disconcerting to be so unsure in his own home. Only this morning she had talked excitedly about his birthday tomorrow and now she was a million miles away.

Violet also watched Cora as she pushed the food around her plate without taking a bite. Her eyes remained cast down and unfocused and when they stood to pass through, she walked tentatively. She had never let on to what she suspected the week before, mainly because it soon became apparent by Robert's unchanged habits that he was as in the dark as the rest of them were.

* * *

Violet was sitting in the morning room discussing the weeks activities with Mrs. Temple when Jenkins appeared in the doorway, hands clasped in front of her. Both women acknowledged her with silence, waiting, and were surprised when she turned to Lady Grantham.

"Milday, I was wondering if I could have a word." Jenkins asked timidly. When the head housekeeper made no move to leave, she added. "It's about the Viscountess."

"Mrs. Temple, perhaps you could check the stores to make sure we have everything for the menus we have outlined." The older woman pursed her lips and sighed getting up and leaving the room.

"What's the matter Jenkins?" Violet beckoned the woman forward. Jenkins came closer and stilled her hands.

"Well, a few afternoons ago I found Lady Downton scrubbing her bathtub. There was an alarming amount of...blood...and she was very upset. And knowing what you asked of me last week, well I suspect that the situation has...changed. And she's not rested although I can tell by the way she carries herself she in a great deal of pain. And she no longer eats her meals. I thought maybe someone should know…." The maid tapered off, her courage leaving her. She had crossed a line, not only to speak so frankly about her mistress to the Countess but to question the decision made by a member of the family, but as she thought of the young woman crying alone in her bedroom she could hold her tongue no longer.

Violet stood up slowly and approached her. "The first duty of a ladies maid is discretion, but I don't think I need to remind you of that Jenkins. The second, of course is to know when discretion should be thrown to the wind. Thank you for coming to me with this. While I do not wish to invade the privacy of my daughter in law in her own home I think this is a special circumstance. Is Lady Downton in her bedroom now?"

"Yes, milady."

Cora sat on the settee, her arms wrapped tightly around her middle as she gazed out to the grey sky. She thought of nothing really, her thoughts were dangerous most times. She wished her heart would take the lead of her mind and stop feeling, but the grief that had settled there weighed it down. The soft knock followed by the metallic click of the door opening shook her out of her haze and she turned to see Violet walk in, her face unreadable. She leapt up quickly, plastering a false smile on her face and dug her fingernails into the arm of the settee as the movement jostled her still tender body.

"Please, sit back down."

Cora faltered a moment before obeying, self-conscious before her mother in law in just her dressing gown. Violet sat on the settee as well, and Cora stared at the spot where their legs touched. She held her breath as Violet cupped her chin and lifted it up so that they were looking eye to eye. Cora wondered what ungodly transgression she had made to have the woman here like this but all she saw were eyes that suddenly were kind and sad.

"Have we been so awful to you that you thought you must bear heartache alone, in your room?" The older woman asked softly.

Cora swallowed convulsively, unsure that she trusted herself to answer but her vision went blurry and her eyes burned as her tears spilled over. When Violet stroked her cheek Cora could no longer hold her composure and a sob escaped her, followed by the strong arms of her mother in law as she embraced her.

"I suspected last week that you had news to share," Violet said quietly, "and now I suspect that something has happened. Cora, you are a Crawley now. We stick together."

Cora clung to her mother in law as the woman stopped speaking and rocked her slightly. The soft hum of comfort in her ear was so like her own mother's when she was a child.

"Does Robert not know?" Violet asked as Cora's crying slowed and she wiped at her eyes. Cora shook her head.

"I was waiting for his birthday." Cora whispered the first words she'd said since Violet's entrance. "But the baby was gone by then….and I was afraid…..and ashamed."

"Cora, you're not the first young woman to have a miscarriage." Cora looked up and saw nothing but sympathy in Violet's eyes. "Unfortunately, creating life is a delicate process. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Some things a just not meant to be."

Violet had hoped to lessen the girl's burden but her face crumbled before her and she shook her head before dropping it in her hands. She wept in earnest now and Violet was at a loss until her muffled words reached her.

"But what if I killed it?" Cora's hands remained over her face.

"What?" Violet gasped.

Cora looked up, her eyes hung with misery. "I think I killed it. Lady Pembroke told me about this tonic that would help me conceive and so I took it and I kept taking it for a month not knowing there was already a baby and I think it poisoned it!" Cora's words came out in a rush of hysterics.

"Where is it?" Violet asked evenly. Cora opened a draw within her vanity and her shaking hand placed it into Violet's waiting one. Violet studied the bottle before opening and sniffing. She shook a drop out onto her finger and then brought it to her lips, touching her tongue to the roof of her mouth. She sighed and replaced the cover before pinning Cora with a stern look.

"There is nothing more sinister in here then a little whiskey, rose water and honey."

Relief caused Cora's shoulders to sag forward and she closed her eyes. Violet was tempted to leave her be, seeing how miserable the poor thing was. However, that just wasn't her way.

"This time you were lucky. But I don't ever want you to seek medical counsel from Lady Pembroke or any of those other ninnies Rosamund surrounds herself with again. Some of these tonics are poison! Never mind a baby, you could have killed yourself. And I'll not be saddled with burying any Americans any time soon." Violet let her lips turn into a smirk and Cora's twitched before breaking out into a shy smile.

Violet patted her daughter in law's leg before getting up. "Now, I want you to rest and take care for the next few days."

"Are you going to tell Robert?" Cora asked in a small voice.

"That is your decision my dear. I will let you in on a secret, however. Just because we don't prose on about every emotion in our hearts does not mean we don't feel them. This is especially true of Robert. I think you would be surprised to find what lies in his for you."


	7. In the Garden

**A/N: There be smut here people, so if you aren't into that sort of thing then I suggest you stop reading three quarters of the way down. Thanks to everyone who is reading so far!**

Chapter 7- In the Garden

April 1890

Robert pulled on the reins and brought the horse to a gentle trot as they got closer to his destination. He was glad to see everything was as he instructed. Dismounting the animal he reached up to help a blindfolded Cora. He burst out laughing at the sight of her as she looked around ineffectually, trying to see where they were. His eyes started to well in merriment as she pouted in the direction she thought his voice was coming from, falling far from the mark.

"Robert. You are an awful tease!" She admonished as he slid her carefully down to the ground and gripped her firmly until she had her footing. Steering her shoulders, Robert led her slowly to the spot he had picked before stopping.

Cora stood quietly with anticipation. Robert's breath could be felt just above her left ear as he undid the knots of her blindfold. He was so excited the night before when he told her he had a surprise in store that his giddiness rubbed off and she couldn't sleep for wondering what he had planned.

Robert held the fabric in place a moment longer before dropping it. Cora's eyes blinked rapidly as they adjusted to the light and her mouth formed into a perfect 'o'. Her hand came up and rested at the base of her throat and her eyes shined as she took in the scene before her.

"What is this place?" Cora asked, awestruck by the beauty surrounding her.

"We've always called it the butterfly garden. There are loads of them here when the season is right. My great-grandfather commissioned it for his youngest daughter. She was ill most of her childhood and he wanted to bring a smile to her face. Do you like it?"

Cora turned around in the spot she was, taking in all of the flora around her. They had entered under a narrow trellis cut into a circular arrangement of tall shrubbery, which enclosed the entire space, blocking out the rest of the estate. A small stream ran through the left side of the hilly grass. Stone fountains in the form of fairies and animals were scattered around adding a touch of magic. While flowers were just starting to bud, the greenery had already popped with the lushness brought by spring rains. By the small fish pond, a blanket was laid out with plates and glasses awaiting a picnic.

"Robert, I don't think I have the words to describe how beautiful this place is."

He led her to the blanket and they both sat. Pouring out wine and arranging the food cook had packed, Robert watched Cora as she continued to take in the space around her. Some of the grief that tinged her eyes since the loss of the baby fell away and Robert felt hopeful that he had done something right for once when it came to the woman beside him. He held a glass out to her.

"What is the occasion?" Cora asked as she took the wine from him.

"Well, you see," Robert began, "a year ago today I attended a ball at the insistence of my mates. I was a horrid brat for the entire ride there, so sure that it would be a bore. And it was….until I saw this enchanting girl with a gaggle of puppy-eyed suitors around her. And I followed her out onto a veranda and she took my breath away. I've been waiting to get it back ever since."

"Robert…" Cora whispered her throat thick around the surge of emotion his words caused in her chest. Her heart beat wildly as he held her eyes intensely and brought his hand up to cup the side of her face.

"I think she took my heart as well." Robert leaned in closer, his lips hovering over hers.

Cora stopped breathing herself at his words. "Shall I return them to you?" She asked in a trembling voice.

"No... I love you Cora Crawley. I trust you to keep them for the rest of my life," he said before kissing her.

Robert tasted the salt of her tears. The kiss grew deeper and more desperate. Cora opened her mouth drawing him further in, nipping his lip, curling her tongue around his in a fevered dance. He gripped her back hard; she dug her fingers into his shoulders. Robert wanted to be consumed by her. He pulled her tighter against his body but it wasn't enough. A part of him worried he would hurt her with his enthusiasm but she moaned in pleasure. Suddenly, her hands were everywhere and nowhere, teasing him through his clothes. He fumbled at the buttons on her dress, eventually taking the two ends of the fabric covering her back and ripping it the rest of the way down. She was much more successful with his shirt, maneuvering it swiftly over his shoulders and head, all the while grinding herself against him and working them both into a frenzy. He had never seen her like this, so ripe with passion, like she was about to burst and take him with her. He never knew it could be like this.

The constriction of her chest at Robert's words was long forgotten once their bodies united. Cora had never experienced this kind of need. Her whole being cried for more just as it cried for mercy; her senses over stimulated since he first laid his lips on hers. If she didn't find release soon she thought she would shatter.

"Please, Robert, please…" She muttered over and over into his ear. She was so close.

"My darling, my love." He responded, lifting up her hips, touching her more insistently until she was tossing her head back and forth, whispering nonsense under him and they both cried out with a final, exhausted push.

Robert fell onto the blanket beside her and took the spare he had brought, covering them both. Cora gripped him around his waist tightly and rested her head on his chest. He looked down, took in the sheen on her forehead, her closed eyes, the gentle slope of her nose as it gave way to the small smile on her lips. He felt a surge of pride that he had put that smile on those lips and a crushing need to keep it there.

"I love you Robert." Cora said softly before placing a tender kiss on his chest. He twirled a ringlet of her hair between his fingers and felt his eyes burn.

"And I you, Cora. More than anything."


	8. Great Expectations

Chapter 8 - Great Expectations

June 1890

Robert snuggled down deeper into the comfort of the bed, lingering in the space between asleep and awake, absorbing the warmth of the body he held in his arms. He and Cora had developed many new habits lately, the best of all sharing her bed every night. Only an army or the fire of Cora's anger could get him back into his dressing room bed now. Robert pouted when he felt her shift and get off of the bed.

"Come back…." Robert whined, his eyes still closed and his breath evening out into a snore as he slipped further back into sleep again.

Cora hurried to the bathroom and had just enough time to close the door behind her before sickness overtook her. She tried to soften the sounds of her retching as to not alert Robert but realized that had been futile when the bathroom door creaked open and he rushed to her side. He took over the task of holding her hair as the spasms subsided. Cora remained seated on the cold floor, breathing deeply, her eyes closed and avoiding Robert's probing ones. Once she was sure her stomach was settled, Cora looked at Robert and gripped his arms. He helped her up carefully and guided her back to their room, helping her get back into bed. The concerned crease in his forehead deepened further and she knew she must look a fright.

"Shall I call for Dr. Brown?" Robert asked.

Cora nodded before laying back into the bed. She had a suspicion of what may be wrong and the knowledge both excited and scared her. After a few days of feeling utterly wretched, it was time to have the doctor weigh in.

Robert knocked softly on the door and waited for Cora's response before he entered. He had been bouncing around nervously in the library since the doctor arrived. She was where he had left her what seemed like hours before, a hand laying lazily over her stomach, her eyes focused somewhere out the window. She turned to him at the sound of his footsteps, her expression unreadable. Robert had allowed himself to hope at the implications of her symptoms, not entertaining the thought that she could be really ill, but he had expected her to look happier if his hopes had been correct. Now he felt the first tingles of anxiety that he had been wrong.

Approaching her, Robert sat on the bed carefully and took her hand. "Is everything alright?"

A soft smile spread over her lips and Robert let out the breath he was holding. "We are going to be parents, Robert."

Although he had suspected, to hear her say it, to think that he would be someone's father and she their mother made him more elated, nervous and wonderstruck than he had ever been. A bubble of uncontainable emotion erupted in the form of laughter as he embraced her, suddenly feeling like he held the most fragile thing in the world in his arms. Cora held onto him and he vowed to protect them both.

* * *

September 1890

"I would like to make a toast if I may." Richard Crawley stood and cleared his throat. 'To my son, Robert and daughter, Cora. Congratulations on your first anniversary!"

The guests around the table let out a cheer and raised their glasses to the couple, allowed to sit side by side for once in the large dining room. Cora took a small sip of champagne and squeezed the hand Robert had placed over her own under the table. She could hardly believe a year had passed. If she had been able to stand at the end of the aisle that day and look down through the future to this, and see how happy she would become, she would have enjoyed their wedding a thousand times more than she did. A year ago she worried that her life as she had known it was ending; never had she anticipated that it would be reborn into something better.

Robert stole glances at Cora throughout the meal, impatient to get her alone and show her a real celebration. He had thought her stunning a year ago, but today she glowed. Her contentment with their life, and the carrying of their child turned her into a vision of loveliness he could have never imagined. Robert had always thought himself as a serious, reserved sort but Cora turned him into a bewitched, lovesick fool. He was very ready to admit he would do anything for her.

"Happy Anniversary, darling," Cora whispered in his ear as he carefully led her around the dance floor. Tonight propriety could be damned. Robert was determined to take every one of Cora's dances.

"Are you happy?" Robert asked.

Cora's eyes sparkled and her grin took up most of her face. "To the extreme!"

"Thank you." Robert replied.

Cora furrowed her brow. "For what?"

"For giving me chance after chance. For sticking it through when I was a dense mule." Robert brought their joined hands up to his lips and kissed her knuckles.

Cora laughed softly, resting her head on Robert's shoulder for a moment before lifting it back up, knowing her mother in law would only indulge the breaking of the rules for so long before giving them a scolding.

"Robert Crawley, you were worth the wait."

* * *

"She shouldn't be dancing so much." Violet huffed, watching her son and daughter in law from across the room.

"Oh Violet, let them have their fun. They've earned it." Richard presented a glass of champagne to his wife. While her face remained stern, he knew it was just a show. The young American had slowly needled her way into their lives and had won their affections over the past year.

"Richard, I'm only thinking of her and the child. I don't mean to sound a spoil sport." Violet said around the rim of her glass.

"Who would have thought the two terror-stricken children we threw together in a gaudy church in New York would be dancing together today like they were the only two people in the room."

"They did have quite the deer in the headlights looks when they came down that aisle! Thank goodness it worked out in the end."

Richard smiled at his wife. "I would say it's just the beginning for them. But yes, thank goodness."


	9. The Sum of Us

Chapter 9- The Sum of Us

January 1891

Violet left her room with purpose and walked down the gallery toward the stairs. She took note of the silence that permeated the upstairs quarters and thought how soon that silence would be interrupted once Robert and Cora's child arrived. She rather enjoyed the idea of a grandchild, but the squirmy, screechy newborn stage was a bother she had never relished.

Passing by the third door down from hers, she noticed immediately that it was ajar and wondered who would have left it that way. She paused and reached out, about to close it when she spotted a shadow stretching out against the floor. Pushing the door open Violet saw the back of her daughter in law, standing in the middle of the room, clutching a stuffed bear to her chest.

Violet cleared her throat, "It seems odd to see the nursery ready for a baby again."

Cora turned and looked at her mother in law smiling slightly, but her eyes were far away.

"Is it to your liking?" Violet asked.

"Yes, yes. It looks marvelous. It's hard to believe that in a few weeks there will be a tiny inhabitant." Cora went to the crib and ran her hand over the rail.

"Is something troubling you?" Violet inquired.

Cora shook her head and rubbed her stomach absently but Violet was not convinced. She sat on the sofa in the room and motioned for Cora to do the same. The younger woman hesitated a moment before joining her.

"What is it?" Violet probed gently.

Cora sighed and looked at her hands, resting on her distended belly. "I'm frightened."

"Ahh," Violet answered.

Cora met her eyes and felt herself redden with her admission. She was embarrassed to admit her distress to the stoic woman sitting beside her. Her mind had been full of worries for the past few weeks, as the arrival of her child barreled closer. She had tried to talk herself into banishing them. However, this morning she woke in a panic, realizing that the birth could literally be any day.

"It's natural to be afraid, Cora. Even more so the first time."

Cora let out a shaky breath and tried to laugh her fear away. She couldn't speak about this with Violet. She wished her own mother were with her, as rocky as their relationship had sometimes been. With her, Cora knew she would be able to cry on her shoulder and give voice to the terror she was beginning to feel. Martha would hold her and calm her. Violet had offered her a shoulder to cry on before, but Cora was cautious to take advantage too often, afraid the woman would think her weak. Despite her resolve to be strong, tears sprang to her eyes.

"I'm being silly. I'll be fine. We'll both be fine." Cora said as she nodded her head and straightened her shoulders willing herself to exude a bravery she didn't feel.

Violet patted her hand. "We'll all get through this. Now, Robert I fear, may not come out of the experience quite so unscathed."

Despite herself, Cora laughed genuinely with Violet at the picture in her mind of a harried Robert, pacing the library.

* * *

Robert entered Cora's room after breakfast expecting her to be in the midst of her mid-morning nap. He was surprised to see her maid still in the room, dressing her for outdoors.

"What are you doing?" Robert inquired in confusion. "I thought you would be resting."

Cora sighed. "Robert, I am going utterly stir crazy in here. I need some fresh air. Please come for a walk with me."

"What? No! You aren't in any condition to be walking around. And it's freezing out there." Robert turned to leave, wanting to give her maid a chance to change her back into her night dress but was surprised when Cora dismissed Jenkins.

"I'll go myself if you won't accompany me!" Cora declared petulantly. She fitted her gloves on her hands and straightened her hat, ignoring him.

"Now Cora…."

"Don't 'now Cora' me!" She whipped around faster than he thought possible, her face flush from her rising irritation and her eyes wide and piercing. Robert knew to be afraid of that look. "You have no idea what I am going through! You have no idea what this is like! And you have no right to tell me what to do!" Her tirade left her slightly breathless.

Robert held up his hands in mercy and cautiously went to her. "So tell me."

Cora deflated and he cupped her shoulders in his hands, rubbing them gently. "I'm going mad with the waiting, Robert! Please, I need to get out of this room and think about something else besides all of the things that could go wrong!"

She regretted saying the words when she saw Robert blanche slightly. He recovered quickly and pulled her into an embrace. "Let's go for your walk then." He said softly.

* * *

"I think I'll say goodnight." Cora got up slowly, allowing Robert to help her off the sofa. The faces that looked up at her smiled sympathetically.

"Are you alright?" Robert asked his voice low. She had looked pale all evening.

"Yes. Just tired, Robert." Cora stretched and kissed his cheek.

"Would you like me to go up with you?"

"No, no. You stay." Cora squeezed his arm before waddling out of the library. Robert sighed and ran a nervous hand through his hair.

"Robert, my boy, have a drink and calm those nerves. The main event hasn't even started yet!" Richard laughed at the panic stricken look his son had developed.

"She hasn't seemed herself all day. I wonder if we should call Dr Brown." Robert stated before taking the brandy that his father offered.

"Robert, she is about to have a child. And once that child is here she will be a mother. She won't _seem herself_ for the rest of your lives together." Violet quipped.

"Well, that is reassuring. Thank you Mama…" Robert muttered.

* * *

Cora stared at the ceiling. The pains that had woken her a half hour before had been sporadic and dull at first but were beginning to build in intensity. When one particularly sharp stab caused her to cry out, she decided it was time to wake Robert. He snored gently beside her, looking like a little boy in sleep and she stroked his cheek with tenderness. Another ripple of pain vibrated through her and she gripped Robert's shoulder hard, without thinking. He sat up in a bolt and looked at her frantically.

"What's happening?" He demanded, all traces of sleep gone.

"I think it's time Robert." Cora said through clenched teeth. The spasm passed and she breathed out slowly and tried to look calm, hoping to erase the terrified look plastered on his face.

"The baby's coming? You mean really? Right now?" His words were a rushed jumble of nonsense that began to irritate her.

"Well, not right this instant, most likely. But soon." Cora said.

"I'll get Mama! And Mrs Temple! And Jenkins!" Robert said in a frenzy. He leapt off of the bed and twirled around, looking for slippers and robe and then fought with the piece of clothing to get his arms through the holes and tied.

"Robert." Cora called. He came rushing to her side and took her face in his hands, searching for the reason she was delaying him.

"It's just, this is the last night it will be just you and I. Tomorrow we will have our own family." Cora swallowed around the tightness in her throat. "And I want you to know I love you."

Robert stroked her face and kissed her hard. "I love you. And you will do great!"

Robert smoked a cigar in the library with his father, a rarity in the middle of the day but the older man thought it would help calm his nerves. It only slightly soothed the nausea he was experiencing. If he strained hard enough, he could hear Cora's cries through the solid oak doors.

"Don't ever tell your mother I said this, but I've often wondered who has the harder part. The women doing all the work or the men left behind to wait and bite their nails." Richard said.

Robert chuckled nervously. "Yes, I think I'll keep that sentiment from all of the female members of the family."

The sound of the door opening sprung Robert from his chair. His mother stood there, looking weary from lack of sleep. At his expectant look she shook her head and he sagged back onto the sofa he vacated.

"How is she holding up?" Richard asked. "For that matter, how are you?"

Violet sighed and walked to where the sandwiches from tea had been left and proceeded to eat one. "She's managing. Exhausted of course. Things have stalled a little so she's trying to rest."

Robert stared out the window, trying to imagine what was happening upstairs. The doctor had been rung for immediately and he had stayed with Cora until he arrived. The little he had witnessed was enough to leave him with a tense foreboding. He thought about his last words to Dr. Brown as he was ushered out of the room. _If it comes down to a choice, save Lady Downton. _He tried to think positive thoughts, but one heard all sorts of horrors. He stood up and began pacing. It had been more than twelve hours since Cora had woken him.

"I've got to go back up. Make sure they aren't bungling the whole thing." Violet said in a hurry. She paused at Robert and patted his shoulder. "Don't worry dear, Cora's American stubbornness will see her through. It should be anytime now."

He had stepped out into the dark January night, hoping to get some air. It was well past midnight and still there was no baby. Even though his mother had assured him that first deliveries often took a long time, even she had begun to look concerned which of course threw him into a tail spin of imagining the worse. He had needed to leave the confines of the library.

"Robert!" The shout of his name made his heart stutter as did the shadow of his father framed in the door. He ran back to the house searching the older man for a sign of what to expect. Behind him was Mrs Temple, looking disheveled and bone-tired. She clasped her hands together and a wide grin pulled at her face.

"Lady Downton has delivered the child." He noticed the silence suddenly blanketing the house as he ran up the stairs, two at a time.

He came to the door and knocked tentatively. Jenkins opened it and ushered him into the room, which was bathed in candle light. He barely acknowledged the poor woman, his eyes trained on the large bed. Cora was lying on her side, back to him and he could hear her voice murmuring something. Walking carefully closer, he stopped short at the sight before him. Her head rested on the pillow, sweat curled hair splayed over the linen. Her eyes were half closed and dreamily looking at the wide eyed little face nestled between the crook of her arm and her breast. He took a shaky breath, hardly believing that they were his. And they were both perfect. She slowly became aware of him as she looked up and smiled tiredly. He had never seen someone look so exhausted and so gorgeous at the same time. He hurried to her side, placed a deep kiss on her lips and then brought a chair right up to the bed. The baby, who he was now nose to nose with stared into his eyes.

"Meet your daughter, Robert." Cora's hoarse voice said.

"Daughter." Robert repeated, mesmerized by the funny movements the baby was making with her mouth, her little tongue darting between her lips as she stretched her head on her fragile neck.

"I hope you aren't terribly disappointed." Cora said softly.

Robert looked up and captured her eyes with his own. He stroked her forehead. "I am many things right now my darling, but disappointed? How could I be that when I am so elated. And relieved."

Robert got up and kissed Cora again, this one longer, and she closed her eyes, the exhaustion starting to win its battle. The door to her room opened and Violet stood in the entrance, carrying a tray, which she brought over.

"Robert, take the baby while I help Cora sit up." She deposited the tray down before watching her son gingerly handle the infant, his face strained with concentration as he made sure to support the head and gather the blankets around the tiny body.

Cora groaned and allowed the woman to help her. While she ate her toast she watched Robert bring the baby over to the window. He talked to her in a low voice, telling her secrets meant for only the two of them and Cora felt amazed and grateful that this was the life she had been given.


	10. Carson and Lady Mary

Chapter 10- Carson and Lady Mary

May 1891

Carson walked swiftly through the marble hallway behind the staircase. The new butler gave a brief glance out the large windows that overlooked the back of the estate. A flutter of movement caught his eye and he stepped off his intended path and went to the door leading out to the stone veranda. He spotted Lady Downton lying on the chaise, a blanket over her and in a deep sleep. The bassinet near her moved slightly and the little fist whose movement first caused him to pause reached up to the sky and waved. The infant's murmuring was building in intensity and Carson suspected she would only take being ignored for only so much longer before a full blown wail escaped her.

Walking to the bassinet he peered in and smiled at her furrowed brow and angry scowl. Lady Mary had already proven that she would not be put aside, usually demanding the attention of the adults around her. She grunted loudly when Carson's face hovered over her own.

"Now, now Lady Mary, your Mama is sleeping. We must be mindful not to make too much noise." Carson said softly, reaching in and allowing the tiny girl to grasp his finger.

The baby's clear brown eyes never left his face but her lips screwed into a grimace and she shrieked at him. Looking quickly to see that Lady Downton stirred but remained asleep, Carson made the quick decision to scoop up the red faced child before she could get any louder. Cradling the baby in his arms, he bounced slightly, the way he had seen Nanny do it. Lady Mary's face became more tranquil at the movement and she sighed contentedly.

"See, you needn't make a great big fuss! All you need to do is ask nicely and you shall be picked up." Carson cooed at the baby.

"I'm afraid demanding attention is a family trait she's inherited from her grandmother." Lord Downton said quietly, coming up behind Carson.

"Excuse me Lord Downton. I was passing by and the young lady was about to make a fuss and I thought it best to try and calm her before she woke Lady Downton." Carson stood straighter, hoping his actions wouldn't seem improper.

"Thank you Carson. It's been quite a challenge for Lady Downton since Nanny left so suddenly. She needs her rest." Robert commented. He had to hide the smirk that threatened to pull at his lips as he watched his former valet standing with the small baby in his large arms, looking suddenly uncomfortable.

"I can take over from here. But beware; you seem to have a certain touch with Lady Mary so we may be calling on your skills in the future!" Robert chuckled as he took his daughter into his arms.

Mary looked at her father so seriously that Robert couldn't help but make silly faces at the infant, hoping for the tiny smile she had so recently discovered. She did it more often for Cora, and he couldn't say that he blamed her. Walking over to his still slumbering wife, he stroked away an errant curl that had found its way over her cheek. In this quiet moment, Robert felt an ease he was unaccustomed to and he let the warmth of it wash over him.


	11. Damages

Chapter 11- Damages

August 1891

She half listened to the Duke of Suffolk as he relayed a bit of royal gossip. Ordinarily she would have tried harder to appear engaged, but her unease was hard to overcome. Rosamund had talked; more like begged her, to go to the Wainscott's house party, desperate to see Marmaduke Painswick. She in turn had to coax Robert, who would have preferred not pushing back their journey to Dunnegle. His mood turned even more sour when they spotted Lord and Lady Pembroke in the foyer of the great house upon their arrival, apparently also invited for the weekend.

It had been either a stroke of good luck, or calculated planning, that Lady Pembroke was placed near Robert at dinner. Cora tried to not be too obvious in her observation of the two. A few glasses of wine had loosened Robert. The cold shoulder he had originally presented the woman turned warm throughout the meal. By the end, he was downright congenial, laughing at her lowly murmured jokes and he barely stuttered when she briefly touched his hand. Cora had noticed of course, sitting at the other end of the table from them. Her heart sped up a little and she placed her fork down, losing the remainder of her appetite. She twisted the napkin in her lap.

"They go back a little ways." Suffolk commented, following her gaze to Robert and Lady Pembroke.

Cora looked at him through the corner of her eye, not liking the tone of his voice, how it lowered and became conspiratorial as though his words had a hidden meaning. She couldn't believe her own bad luck at being seated next to the man. He really was a slimy sort. To think she almost married him? Cora took a large sip of her wine, disgusted by the thought and becoming more infuriated by the spectacle at the end of the table. She turned to her dinner companion.

"So how is Hammersly these days?" Cora asked, resigned to her duty to maintain conversation and wanting to steer him away from the topic of Robert.

"Still awaiting a Duchess, I'm afraid." Suffolk raised his eyebrows at her. "I thought I had found one, but alas Crawley beat me to her."

Cora swallowed the grimace she felt struggling to break out upon her face, but the shiver that ran through her body was unavoidable. The man couldn't be more repugnant if he tried and he was obviously one drink away from total inebriation. Just when she thought she could take no more of him, Lady Wainscott announced it was time for the ladies to walk through. She plastered a tight smile onto her face and bid Suffolk goodbye before hurrying out of the dining room. She tried to catch Robert's eye but he was already up and moving toward the host, lighting a cigar.

"Still after Crawley, I see?" the Duke of Suffolk stood by Lady Pembroke and watched the object of their discussion as he spoke to his wife.

"I've heard there is some trouble lurking in paradise. Perhaps Lady Downton may require a little comfort." Lady Pembroke replied. She watched the duke smirk and drain the rest of his wine.

"You are wicked, Julia." He laughed.

Lady Pembroke shrugged and took a dainty sip of her drink. "I believe she is in the Giles bedroom this weekend. Perhaps you should teach her the advantages of extramarital activities."

"And what of Crawley?"

"Leave Robert to me." Lady Pembroke replied before putting her glass down and walking away.

* * *

Robert stepped out into the cool night air and searched the gardens from the veranda. He had thought he saw Cora exit the ballroom just moments before but there was no sign of her. His head pounded slightly from the heat of the house and the unending flow of champagne. He had hoped to catch his wife and coax her upstairs and away from the party. Silently he cursed Rosamund and her involving them in her husband hunting. The whole night was a confusing mix of unwanted encounters and half shameful memories. Julia's presence had him on edge and the attention that the Duke of Suffolk lavished on Cora made his fingers itch with the need to wring his neck.

The clatter of heels approaching him made him smile. "There you are…." he said before fully turning around. The grin he had faltered when he was faced with Julia's smug smile.

"You were waiting for me? How marvelous." Her coquettish tone made Robert take a step back.

Sighing in exasperation Robert held up his hands. "I thought you were Cora. Forgive me." He went to move around her but she stopped him with a hand to his elbow, holding him in place.

Cora had found a little peace during her interlude outside. The attentions of Suffolk as well as the crowd of the ballroom had begun to make her claustrophobic and she had retreated to the gardens in order to clear her head. The night chill began to raise goose bumps on her skin, indicating that she had been gone longer than proper and she started back from where she came. Watching her footing in the grass, she was almost under the veranda and near the stone steps before she noticed Robert above her. She stopped quickly when she saw that he was not alone. Feeling torn, she wondered if she should go or make her presence known. Before she could move, Lady Pembroke grabbed Robert's arm.

"I hate how we left things, Robert. I should have been more understanding. I know you have a deep sense of duty." Lady Pembroke's voice was tender and laced with affection. Cora held her breath.

"Julia," Robert sighed. "I'm sorry if you felt abandoned or used…"

"You don't need to apologize, Robert. I should have been more accommodating." Julia wondered how well the American could hear them from the shadowed spot she hid in. She lifted her voice just a notch.

"I still dream about the feel of you all over me…" Julia said and she bit the inside of her cheek when a soft gasp was carried over the wind.

Robert's eyes widened as he looked at her. "Julia, you must not speak of such things like that." He admonished, horrified at how this was going.

Cora covered her mouth, tasting bile. She watched in horror as Julia pulled Robert's head down to hers in a heated kiss. The last image she had was of him placing his hands on her waist as she frantically turned away from the two and ran around the side of the estate.

It took several seconds for Robert to get over his initial shock at Julia's boldness. Once his brain caught up to what was happening, he put his hands on her waist and roughly pushed her away.

"Have you gone mad?" Robert hissed, looking wildly around to make sure no one was witness to her assault on him. He ran a shaky hand through his hair and roughly pulled at the hem of his dinner jacket. Julia cocked her head to the side and raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know what kind of game you are playing, but I don't want any part of it." Robert spat.

"Oh Robert. Please, you cannot tell me you don't miss me. You don't miss this." Julia retorted.

Robert stepped close to her. "I haven't given you one thought since the night we said goodbye." He walked quickly away and to the safety of the crowded ballroom.

* * *

Cora had rushed up the stairs and into her designated bedroom, thankful for the desertion of the hallway. The anger and hurt she had been holding back erupted from her once the door was closed and she fell on her bed, sobbing. The image of their kiss and the implication of Julia's words played over in her mind. She couldn't believe she had been so naive and that Robert could be so cruel. Ruminating on the affair they were obviously having, Cora had almost missed the sound of the door opening slowly and then shutting softly.

"Get out." Her voice was watery and muffled. She felt the lightest touch of a hand on the bare skin of her back.

"Robert, don't touch-" She whipped around, ready to let all of the betrayal she felt fly at him when she sucked in her breath, surprised to see Suffolk's face instead of Robert's. She quickly swiped at her eyes with the backs of her hands and tried to calm herself.

"Oh I'm sorry. I thought you were Robert…." she couldn't finish her thought as the duke reached out and caught a tear trailing down the side of her face. He stepped closer to her.

"I saw how upset you were when you ran inside the house." Suffolk whispered.

Cora shook her head and attempted to hide her confusion at his presence. "Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine."

Suffolk stepped closer and stroked the side of her cheek. Cora stiffened at the touch and her heart hammered within the confines of her corset. She attempted to step to the side, intent on fleeing the room but he anticipated her move and grabbed her upper arm, the hand at her cheek moving to the back of her head and gripping her hard. The duke moved forward and she was forced to step back until the backs of her legs hit the wood of the bed. Cora could hardly catch her breath as her senses screamed for her to do something.

"You should never be anything but completely happy." Suffolk crooned into her ear before dipping down and capturing the side of her neck in his mouth, nipping her hard and hungrily. The smell of alcohol that rose up from him and the feel of his arousal pressed against her stomach caused her to shake.

"Please…" she cried hoarsely, trying to push against his chest.

"Feisty. God, you are such a sweet little tease." Suffolk pushed her onto the bed and covered her with his body, crushing her mouth with his own.

Panic pushed Cora into action and she took a deep breath and opened her mouth, "Hel-". The slamming pressure of Suffolk's hand over her mouth squelched her scream. She thrashed underneath him, trying to dislodge him but he was far stronger than she was. He chuckled as he reached under her skirts and tore her knickers off. He ripped at her dress as though it were gauze. She cried in earnest as his fingers touched her and he pulled his own trousers off. He bit the top of her breast roughly and she arched her back and yelled into the hand that still covered her mouth.

Robert stood outside of her door, unsure of what he would find. After returning from the veranda he had searched for Cora all over without success. It was unlike her to leave in the middle of a party, without telling the hostess, never mind himself. Hesitating, he weighed telling her about Julia. The woman seemed intent to cause trouble; no matter how long they had been apart and he worried something would get back to Cora. An odd series of noises, like fabric tearing and a cut off cry could be heard through the door and disrupted his thoughts. Turning the knob and stepping into the room quickly, the light from the corridor shone over his shoulder and illuminated the bare backside of a man kneeling on the bed. The diaphanous fabric of his wife's dress could be seen surrounding the man and her legs kicked ineffectually as she tried to dislodge him from his position.

"What is going on?" Robert yelled, reaching forward and grabbing the man by the shoulder of his jacket and yanking him to his feet.

It only took a moment to understand what he walked in on. Cora quickly sat up on the bed, leaping as far away on the other side as she could get and brought her knees up wrapping her arms around them and sobbing. The man that he still held swayed slightly on his feet, his cocky grin and raised eyebrow compounding the slow burn of rage Robert felt tingling his limbs. Without taking time to think, he pulled back and punched the man, satisfied to hear a sickening snap as his fist connected with nose. The man's expression changed to confused shock and he stumbled but Robert held onto him tightly. He didn't register Cora crying out or the blood pouring from the man's nostrils. He slammed the man against the wall, the realization that it was Suffolk unleashing more fury and he pounded the man's head against the rose wallpaper. He had never thought he could kill a man before tonight.

"Robert!"

Small but strong hands pulled at his shoulders, tugging him back and after two more punches to the gut, he let go of the still partly nude duke, watching with satisfaction as he slid down the wall into a heap and then scramble out of the room on his hands and knees. Turning he saw Rosamund's horrified face. It was only then he became aware of gasping, choked sounds coming from the bed, loud over his own labored breathing. Concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, Robert felt the bile rise in his throat as he took in Cora's already bruising face and the terror in her eyes. Carefully he wiped the tears that spilled over her cheeks.

"Did he…?" Robert couldn't finish the sentence. He allowed himself a small amount of gratitude when Cora jerked her head in the negative. Her breathing bordered on hyperventilation and Rosamund got on the bed, sitting behind Cora.

"I'm going to loosen your corset. It'll help you breath." Rosamund said quietly.

Cora put her head in her hands and Robert put a shaking hand on her shoulder, trying not to react when she winced at his touch. Eventually her breathing evened out and she lifted her head, looking somewhere over his head with dull eyes.

"I think I would like to take a bath." She whispered.

"Of course. Let me help you." Robert answered, uneasy by the passivity in her features. She shook her head at his words and he was about to protest when Rosamund cut in.

"I will help. Let us get started." Rosamund helped Cora to her feet and gave Robert a gentle squeeze to his arm before leading her sister in law into the bathroom.

* * *

Robert had retreated to his own room to afford Cora some privacy. Once the adrenaline had worn off, he was left feeling ashamed and grief stricken. He had seen the way Suffolk had hung all over her and although he never dreamed the man would do something so vile, Robert punished himself for leaving Cora alone. As though what he witnessed wasn't bad enough, thinking about what could have happened had he not gone to find her made his stomach clench. The knock at his door pulled him out of his own thoughts and he rose to open it. Rosamund's lined face met his.

"May I come in?" Robert startled at the cold clip of her tone.

"Yes, of course. How is Cora?"

"She saw you Robert."

Rosamund's blue eyes held his intently, seemingly searching for some clue. She folded her arms and squared herself. Robert shrugged his shoulders and lifted his hands, at a loss to what she could be referring to. And then it hit him. Julia had been forgotten in the aftermath of Cora's attack.

"Oh God," Robert muttered rubbing his face with his hands. As though the night couldn't get any worse.

"It's true?! Dear God! What were you thinking?" Rosamund spat the questions out at him.

"What did she see Rosamund?" Robert begged.

"She said you were kissing Lady Pembroke. That she said….things about the feel of you….ugh you are disgusting!" Rosamund punctuated her words by pointing in his face. She turned quickly, unable to look at her brother any longer. He grabbed her arm.

"It was a very big misunderstanding. I need explain to her. Julia kissed ME, I had no idea it was coming. And I haven't been with her since before we were married. You of all people must believe me." Robert tried to get Rosamund to look at him.

"And why should I?" Rosamund asked, her initial anger dissipating.

"Because if you don't Cora never will."

"Cora?" The hesitation in his voice told her that Rosamund had spoken to him. She was glad for it, not sure that she could say the words again. She heard Robert navigate around the candle lit room until he sat on the chair near her bed. She didn't move from her position, curled on her side, hugging a spare pillow. She flicked her eyes to him briefly, but the concern there only made her throat tighten and she looked away, staring off into the darkness.

Robert took a deep breath. "I should have told you about Lady Pembroke from the beginning."

Cora had decided while lying alone, that she wanted as little details as possible. Too much had happened for her to stand a long, convoluted talk. She was barely holding on to the pieces of herself which threatened to scatter into air. There was really only one thing that mattered to her.

"When was the last time you were with her, Robert?"

Robert reached for her hand and covered it with his own. "Since before you did me the honor of accepting my proposal. I know you have no reason to believe, but I hope that you will. I beg you to forgive me for not telling you sooner. But I was a coward. Her actions tonight were as much a shock to me as they were to you. I didn't invite her intimacy Cora."

Cora nodded her head wordlessly. Deep in her heart, she did believe him. She needed to believe him, desperately. He looked miserable and dejected in front of her. He looked as though he would swallow nails for penance if she asked him to. Perhaps it was better to have found out now than in the early days of their marriage, when she was still so insecure. Cora squeezed his hand and he let out a shaky sigh, a tear slipping from his closed eyes. She ran her thumb over his swollen and scraped knuckles.

"Your poor hand." Cora whispered.

Robert stood up and took off his dressing gown. Cora slid over, making room and Robert pulled the thick duvet over them. He stared at her face, searching. She closed her eyes under his scrutiny. Robert was suddenly afraid to touch her and hurting to do so.

"Cora…" He had no idea what to say to her, his own rage still fresh, his own transgressions still haunting him. She shook her head.

"I do not wish to speak of it Robert. Any of it. Ever."

Her words shook and she reached for him, wrapping her arms around his neck and holding him so tightly it was uncomfortable. He didn't care. Her back trembled slightly under his own hands as he ran them slowly up and down its length, hoping to bring her some comfort. What he witnessed would stay with him the rest of his life, he was sure, just as he was sure that it would her and he was sorry he couldn't have done more damage to the duke. He was sorry he could not remove the thread of Julia from their lives. Robert would honor her request, to never bring it up again, but he would hold her more gently and speak to her more lovingly and cherish her more thoroughly and hope that in time it would erase some of the damage this night had brought.


	12. Fathers and Daughters

Chapter 12- Fathers and Daughters

July 1892

Robert watched with mirth as eighteen month old Mary helped her mother blow out the solitary candle on the small chocolate cake he held in front of them. With the exception of eye color, they were a mirror image, their faces close together, rosey lips pulled into twin puckers, pale faces framed by masses of dark curls. After a few unsuccessful tries, the flame was extinguished and Mary jumped in delight, clapping her pudgy hands together.

"Happy birthday darling." Robert said and leaned over, placing a soft kiss on his wife's lips.

"No Papa," Mary shouted, swatting her hand at his face and flinging her own arms around her mother's neck and kissing her sweetly on the cheek. "My Mama!"

Cora laughed at the stern face the little girl made at her father and pulled her tightly into a hug, squeezing Mary who squealed with delight. Robert's lips turned down in an exaggerated pout.

"Oh sweet Mary, how about a kiss for your Papa?" His tone was pitiful but Mary remained strong, clinging to Cora even tighter before shaking her head and bestowing another kiss on her mother. Robert held his hand to his heart and gasped.

"If I give you a piece of cake, won't you give me a kiss?" Robert held the cake in front of Mary and her eyes grew wide. Instead of running to Robert, she ran into the grass, dancing around their blanket chanting 'cake' over and over.

"Well, that worked splendidly…" Robert sighed. He placed the treat down and picked up the baby who had been watching the celebration from her spot in the shade. Edith gurgled happily as he snuggled his nose to her cheek.

"See Mary, your sister loves your dear Papa." Robert called out, only to be met by the child stopping her dance and sticking her tongue out at him. She caught sight of a butterfly and began chasing it as Cora chuckled.

Robert turned to her and feigned disappointment. "She loves you more than me!" He whined.

His wife threw her head back and released a throaty laugh, shaking her head. "Are you jealous, Robert?"

It was no secret that Mary adored her mother. She ran to her first thing in the morning, ignoring Robert altogether. She called for her at night when she was frightened and when she was hurt only her Mama's kisses would do. Robert was constantly begging his little girl for a kiss or a hug and she would bestow them grudgingly, but Mary's affection was bountiful for Cora.

"It looks like it's you and me against them, my dear." Robert told the two month old in his arms.

If Mary was the replica of her mother, than Edith was a Crawley, in looks at least, through and through. Her wispy golden locks were fine and sparse around her head, her hazel eyes staring up from a long face. Mary had taken her time coming into the world but Edith had blazed in. He still recalled the frenzy they had been thrown into, the child coming a month early and almost arriving before the doctor. She had been so tiny and fragile looking and he had spent many worried nights wondering if she would have the stamina to survive those first few months. But his wife was determined enough for all of them and spent countless hours with the baby, feeding her, cuddling her close and under her vigilant eyes baby Edith was thriving. The chubby little arms she reached up to him were a testament to her own strong will.

"Don't fret Robert. There will come a time in the not so distant future when Mary and I will butt heads at every turn, and then you will be her knight in shining armor against her wicked Mama. It happens to every mother and daughter. She'll hate me from the time she is sixteen until the time she has her first child. And then she'll see how hard it is to be a mother and she'll take pity on hers." Cora smiled at him and patted his arm.

"Who could possibly hate you?" Robert asked, cupping the back of his wife's neck gently and bringing her toward him for another kiss. He felt her smile against his lips.

Their moment was interrupted by Mary running back to their picnic, shouting, "Cake, cake!"

"I think that we ought to cut it before this ends in tears." Cora said and Robert handed Edith to his wife before obliging their oldest daughter and slicing into the chocolate confection.

Before long, Mary's dress, hands and lower face were covered in crumbs and her eyes were starting to droop, the sugar coupled with the excitement of the day making her sleepy. She laid her head on her mother's lap, burrowing down into the many folds of her skirt. Cora's hand automatically went to the child's head as she stroked her hair absently, soothing Mary closer to sleep. Robert took a moment to revel in the warmth of his young family before waving to the footman standing off in the distance.

"Could you please deliver Lady Mary to Nanny? I think it's time for a washing and a nap." The little girl protested mildly when the young man picked her up and carried her away from her parents. Edith slept peacefully in her mother's arms while Robert fed Cora pieces of birthday cake.

Cora titled her head and furrowed her brow at Robert. His eyes had become unfocused and he gazed in the direction of the house. "What is it?" she asked quietly.

Robert shook himself and turned back to her. "I was just thinking that in the almost three years we've been married, this is the first time that we've been at Downton by ourselves for more than a night."

"Hmmm. I hadn't thought of it." Cora mused. Her mother and father in law were in London for the season and were due back any day now. "It has been a nice respite, no disrespect to your parents, of course."

"It has! It just reminds me that someday the responsibility of it will be all ours." Robert said. The thought made him nervous and he changed the subject. "So, do you feel any older Lady Downton now that you've reached the ripe old age of twenty-four!"

Cora swatted at Robert playfully. "I prefer the word mature rather than old, thank you very much!"

Robert grew serious. "Are you happy?"

"Of course Robert! Why wouldn't I be?" Cora asked in confusion.

"I just want to make sure. I know I was a little dense in the beginning…" Robert trailed off.

Cora smirked at him before turning and leaning back, prompting him to fold his arms around her, holding her and the baby securely to his chest.

"Robert, we were young and newly married and just learning about each other. It's natural that there would be a bumpy start. Are YOU happy?" Cora inquired, looking behind to see his face.

"Utterly." He punctuated his statement with a kiss to her neck. "Insanely." Another kiss. "Desperately." This kiss landed on her earlobe and he nipped it teasingly causing her to startle and gasp before elbowing him in the ribs.

"Behave!" Cora commanded.

"Wait until I show you your real birthday present." Robert growled into her ear, taking one last nibble.

* * *

August 1892

Robert swayed in rhythm with the carriage as it bumped along the coastal road. The smell of salt water mixed with the fragrance of wisteria and he watched Cora close her eyes and inhale deeply, a small smile turning up her lips. The gentle breeze made the hot August sun tolerable but still Robert could feel the beads of sweat pooling under his collar. There wasn't a cloud in the bright blue sky and Robert wondered how Cora had managed to adapt to the muted greys of England after growing up in so much color. The men and women strolling on what he was told was Bellevue Avenue were all dressed with the month in mind; their clothing made of light fabric and pastel colors. It was a stark contrast to his and Cora's, having packed only their mourning attire.

Reaching across the seat, Robert took Cora's hand in his and traced the delicate bones of her knuckles. She had been holding up well since receiving the news of her father's grave condition. They had booked passage to America immediately but were greeted when they docked in Newport by the news of his death while they crossed the Atlantic. She had cried then and allowed him to comfort her, desperately having hoped to say goodbye.

The funeral had been a large affair, attended by many of the same men and women that he had seen at their wedding. His mother in law had infused the day with her usual dramatic flair, animatedly welcoming friends and sharing anecdotes, her snorting laughter heard from across the back patio where something of a cocktail party had been thrown together after the burial. Robert stayed close to Cora, who remained quiet most of the day, her own grief much more sedate than her eccentric mother's.

The sun was falling in the sky, casting pinks and oranges over the ocean. Harold and some of the younger folk still lingered on the back lawn, eating and drinking and trading stories of their conquests. Robert had momentarily left Cora, offering to retrieve her shawl as the ocean breeze picked up. Cora remained removed from the others, not able to match the lightness of their feelings just yet. She still couldn't quite believe that her father was gone. Though she hadn't seen him since her wedding, he had always been a man that loved writing and receiving letters and many had crossed the Atlantic between the two. He sometimes would send a telegram, out of the blue, consisting of little but a few words but it would remind her that she was never far from his thoughts. Cora's father understood her in a way that her mother never would. Like her, he was softer, quieter, a dreamer. Martha had always been the boisterous pragmatist and a little hardened. Her abrasive nature frightened Cora as a child and she naturally felt safer under the adoring, gentle eyes of her father. Thinking of her father, it struck Cora how similar Robert was to him. It was no wonder that when she met her future husband, she was instantly drawn to him.

Cora's musings were interrupted by the approach of footsteps. Expecting Robert, she looked up, surprised to see a woman's face instead of his. It took her a moment before she realized it was William's mother, Mrs Hastings. She stood immediately, feeling her heart quicken. She hadn't seen the woman since William's death.

"Cora, how wonderful to see you! I only wish it were under better circumstances, of course." The older woman took her into an embrace and affectionately patted her back before releasing her.

Robert walked toward his wife, watching the older woman approach her, saying her name with intimacy. It still took him a moment when people addressed her so informally, his first inclination to reprimand them. With him, they stumbled around his title but didn't even try with her. In this world, she was simply Cora, unless Martha was around, and then she would be the one to remind everyone they were in the presence of a Lady.

Cora turned to him, the smile on her lips puzzlingly strained. "Mrs. Hastings, this is my husband, Lord Downton. Robert, this is Mrs Hastings."

"I still expect to see a young girl with ribbons and braids trailing behind her as she runs from Harold and William." Mrs Hastings said fondly. "And here you are, so lovely and grown up! I hope you are taking good care of our Cora, Lord Downton." The woman's expression changed as she grew wistful.

Standing straighter, Robert's voice was strong with conviction. "I make it my duty to, Mrs Hastings."

The older woman's serious face paused on him for a moment before placing a feather light kiss on Cora's cheek. "I must be getting home dear. It was so nice seeing you. And to meet you Lord Downton."

After watching the woman walk into the house, Cora put her arm in the crook of Robert's and steered him off the patio and down the large expanse of green lawn that led to the ocean. She looked straight ahead, deep in thought. Cora, usually so expressive in times of merriment or anger, had a habit of turning inward when unhappy or upset. He remained close to offer a brief caress or a gentle word, so that she remembered she was not alone.

"We grew up with the Hastings," she said as they continued to stroll slowly. "Mr Hastings was the general manager in my father's first store and his wife has been friends with my mother since they were young women."

"I should have peppered her with more questions." Robert said jokingly, hoping to get a smile from his wife. "I rather enjoyed the image of you as a wild child running with her hair in the breeze."

Cora shook her head before grinning at him. " I bet you did." She grew serious again. "We spent many summers with the Hastings. They had three children close in age to Harold and myself. William was their oldest son and I had quite a crush on him as a girl…."

"Oh?" Robert's voice cracked a little and he coughed to recover it. "And did he return your feelings?"

They had reached the ornately carved stone wall that separated the property from the churning water below. Two urns at the start and end of the wall held brightly colored hydrangeas, whose scent reached them as they stood staring out over the sea. The sun just kissed the horizon, moments away from starting its descent into the ocean. Sail boats could still be seen undulating peacefully in the distance. Robert loved Downton as though it were a living member of the family, but he wondered, standing amidst the summer beauty of the Levinson home, if Cora didn't long for this place more than she let on. He wouldn't have blamed her.

"He did." Cora's voice broke him from his thoughts. "There was a time when I was sure I would be Mrs William Hastings."

Robert kept his face neutral. He disliked the possessiveness he felt over Cora and her affections. She was beautiful after all and there had been a whole life she had led before meeting him. His mind wandered to Julia and he knew he had no right to feel jealous.

"What changed?" Robert inquired, not sure he really wanted to know the answer.

"He died." She stated simply.

Robert instinctively touched his hand to the small of her back. "I'm so sorry."

Cora shook herself and turned to face him, her smile slightly melancholy but her eyes wide and brilliant. "I am too. He was a good person. But I was meant to be with you and for that I've never been sorry."

Robert had to restrain himself from pulling her to his chest as she stood on tiptoe and pressed a chaste kiss onto his lips.

"I miss the girls. And Downton. Do you think it will be a great hassle to move our passage to tomorrow?" Cora's voice was strong and eager.

Robert smiled widely at her. "I think we can manage it. But what about your mother? Won't she be disappointed?"

Cora rolled her eyes. "She'll get over it."


End file.
